When I read the news of William’s death I was at home helping the girls get ready for the day. Thank goodness I was. I started crying hard as soon as I saw the subject line. The girls were so sweet. They just sat with me and listened and gave me hugs and kisses. Throughout the day Sarah then wanted me to watch the tribute video because she was interested in watching me cry. That day I had much more time with Sarah than I normally do and that felt like just the right thing. I also had time to just sit in the sun and think and be. That felt good too. I have been deeply joyful that William existed and that I had the honor of learning from him on multiple occasions. I have also felt quite sad, not comprehending how such an amazing and wonderful person isn’t here in his same form any more. I like to think that maybe all of the world is a better place with his spirit now spread throughout. It has been a beautiful experience to share sadness, joy, and celebration of William with families all over the world.
I have felt re-inspired about helping Sarah in a way that I haven’t felt in a long time. It is suddenly clear that I want the big focus for her team to be math and writing. These are the academic areas that would help the most as she moves through school. We will do this as we have worked on other skills, following her lead, using her ideas, celebrating all of her efforts and participations. And we can do this! I fully believe that we can, that she can. With talking and reading, once we figured out the teaching that worked, it was like turning a switch that started a snowball rolling quickly down a mountain and getting bigger with each moment.
With reading, we are in a review period. We are rapidly going through all the old word cards. I change 3 words per pack per day. In a conference, her teacher said, “Because Sarah can read…” !!!!!!!!!! Yes, it is at a beginner level, but still!!!!!!!!! Up until this point I had it in my head that Sarah is learning to read. This is true. I hadn’t let myself fully cross into the words “Sarah can read.” She has been reading one of our books all by herself. It is one that is easy to memorize, but it is still clear to me she is reading it and not just reciting. With the word cards, it is clear that Sarah is transferring her memorized words into recognizing parts of words (eg.- ing) and looking to the first letter to help her know how to start.
Last week I thought vaseline was helping Sarah’s hands. Now I think it may have helped some but not fully and it may have been clogging her pores and creating more blisters on her arm. I switched to just my regular hand lotions and those plus time seem to be the best helpers. I also did some research about what causes dyshidrotic eczema. It can be related to seasonal allergies but it can also be from too much exposure to chromium. I’m not sure if this just means topically or not, but I looked into her supplements and all together she has been getting close to 600% RDV of chromium. ?!?!?!?! Ack. I am super excited to maybe know the cause of the finger blisters and I am also feeling mad at the doctor and at myself for not figuring this out sooner. I am trying to remember we are all just people and none of us is perfect, but I am mad that maybe we have been giving Sarah something designed to help her body and that maybe it has in fact not been helping! I am also so impatient to try eggs. If the hand blisters aren’t related to food then why wait? Except that it seems like a good idea to have as clean a slate (as healthy a Sarah) as possible before adding anything new. The question is why the anger? is it to punish myself so I don’t make the same mistake in the future? is it to make it ok that I messed up because at least I’m upset about it? as if it wouldn’t be ok to just be excited to know what maybe has been amiss? I will experiment today with letting go of feeling angry and stupid. Or, if I do feel that way I will be ok with feeling that way.
We had company over for dinner on Friday night and when it was time for the girls to go to bed, Sarah spontaneously turned to the company and looked at them while waving and saying, “goodnight.” Awesome!!!
One morning, as I ate breakfast and talked to Carl, Sarah came over, nudged my arm out of her way so she could get closer to me so she could look me right in the eye, she said, “I have kindergarten today.” Wow! These are small representative moments of what is becoming more of a trend in her communication.
Sc did her Sarah-Rise session yesterday with Amy in the room the whole time. It went well overall. Sarah did have some times of not liking what was happening, but that is the perfect setting for working through little upsets.
This morning, Amy made a cake out of play-doh and started carrying it around the room singing to the tune of happy birthday, “happy love day to you.”
Happy love day to you.
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