We have just arrived home after a truly wonderful night of camping and an afternoon at a lake beach. The weather was perfect, some friends had a campsite nearby so we got to see them a few times, we arrived with plenty of time for a relaxed time of setting up and dinner despite the traffic delays that turned a 1 hour drive into 3 hours, we had a relaxed morning without needing to watch the time at all, and the girls are getting ever older and more independent. This latter fact was most notable regarding the bathrooms. Usually in public restrooms I find the largest stall and the girls and I all go in together and take turns. At the campground we each used our own stall at the same time. Whoa. The only thing they couldn’t do on their own was turn on the water because you had to press down fairly hard on the faucet control. Also, Carl at one point took Sarah to use the bathroom and so she used the women’s room entirely by herself. Carl then helped her wash her hands in the outdoor sink. This morning, Amy went back from the bathroom to our campsite all by herself while I did the breakfast dishes. When did these kids become so grown up?
At the beach today we were able to sit back in the shade some of the time that the girls played in the water. At one point Sarah got herself included in a frisbee game (in the water) with another family that we had never met before. How super amazing!!!
Earlier in the week, Carl was getting the girls ready for bed. While he was helping Amy with something, Sarah came in to the bedroom holding her toothbrush and paste, looked at Carl and said, “Open it please.” The amazingness of this is three-fold. The fact that Sarah initiated teeth brushing instead of being told is amazing. The fact that she went to find Carl and ask for help instead of just whining and yelling in the bathroom is amazing. The fact that she looked at him while saying a clear and full request is amazing.
Sarah is now missing her two front teeth (on the top). I think she looks like a jack-o-latern.
There are so many times that I feel frustrated by Sarah’s isms regarding tent zippers, car doors, regular doors, or other things where she then seems unreachable or inflexible, but these moments of increasing ability and independence help me appreciate that we are still moving forward zippers, doors, and all. Also, speaking of joining, I continue to relearn how valuable it is. For those who may not remember, isming is when Sarah is exclusive or semi-exclusive within a repetitive action (or repetitive in a story with little variation or flexibility). To join an ism means that I do the same thing she is doing without needing her to change in any way, just being with her in such a way as to show her I like the action too or the story too. The times recently when I have remembered to do this or observed volunteers doing this, it has been astonishing how effective it still is as a means of connecting with Sarah and after we have that connection, she is more open to whatever I say or do. Outside of the SR room it isn’t always feasible to join or I often don’t want to because I feel I don’t have the time or it is an action we don’t want her doing in any case. It feels so much better internally when I can and do join and we move forward from there.
On Wednesday I had a time of out-yelling the girls. This means we were all upset and growly but I was the loudest. As you know, this is not my proudest achievement. This time, though, I was able to let myself notice and acknowledge that part of my yelling may actually happen because it feels good. EGAD! WHAT?! Yes, indeed. The anger doesn’t feel good, but the outlet of yelling feels good and powerful. I still would like to find alternatives that work, but noticing the good feeling actually helped me move past the moment much more quickly and I also wonder if Sarah feels some of that good power and release when she yells. Berating myself a ton hasn’t really worked to change things so I’m hoping that this new angle will help me have new approaches and thoughts. It at least doesn’t pull my energy down for a day as berating sometimes does.
Anyway, I hope you all have had wonderful weekends.
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