May 4

This week we officially started all of the various supplements recommended by the naturopath. We will increase the amounts of some of them in the coming weeks,. Even as it is, it is a heck of a lot of stuff! Some supplements are chewable, some get mixed with food, and a couple are pills that Sarah has to swallow. The amazing thing is that Sarah can swallow pills! Easily!! I think I was 10 when I learned how. She actually takes everything easily. I just have to make sure I stagger things appropriately through the day. It is too early to tell if they are making a difference, though she is definitely having some skin reactions known as "die-off" from the bad bugs being killed by the probiotics. So this is good but makes her skin look a bit unhappy.

I met with a psychologist this week regarding my homeschooling intentions. We will need to have our program officially approved by a psychologist and I feel quite good about the woman I met on Wednesday. We found her through the same friend who referred us to our beloved team member G., so I felt good going into the meeting. Now to write a curriculum.

I have started calling my time with the girls "Mom-Sarah time" and "Mom-Amy time" and the time they spend with others also gets name pairings. This feels great. It helps me stay in touch with my purpose of being with Sarah in the SR room or outside, rather then getting to caught up in needing to reach our goals yesterday. It also helps me spend one on one time with Amy instead of trying to do everything on my to-do list.

There have been many tiny moments this week that felt notable...

Sarah asked for fresh avocado pudding and Carl didn't know how to make it. Sarah told him exactly what to do, including showing him where the food processor lives! She didn't know the amounts and the avocados weren't ripe so it very tart unripe avocado pudding, but she still ate it.

When Carl was with the girls yesterday and fell asleep on the sofa, he was awakened by Sarah leaning over his face and saying, "wake up."

When L. came for her SR session, I was saying something to L and Sarah shut the door on me so she could begin her time with L. I love how much Sarah adores her volunteers.

Thursday I didn't get much time with the girls since I was getting an MRI of my head just as a routine check regarding my cluster headaches. Given the long wait time to have the MRI, I wasn't at home much in the afternoon before going to work. I had 30 minutes to share between the girls. Sarah was in the SR room looking at loose pictures. I sat down with her. She got up and closed the door saying, "Mom and Sarah time." Then she went back to looking at loose pictures. I have heard so many instances of Son-Rise kiddos asking to play with a parent and going into their SR room and isming. This felt like my moment. Such wonderful proof that even when Sarah is seemingly exclusive, she is still glad to have me there doing the same thing she is. Before my 15 minutes were up Sarah had already moved into more connected play with me. 

Yesterday, when the girls were watching something and I was about to clean the kitchen, Sarah came in and said, "Mom, come sit with me" and took my hand to lead me to the couch. While Sarah is often connected and wanting my presence, this specific scenario hasn't yet occurred. It was awesome! Such a clear, clean moment.

Last week I mentioned Sarah's verbal isms of repeating "Oh no, the play be ruined!" She also likes the phrase, "Poor poor bucket head!" These reference different stories but are often said in conjunction with each other. I joined by saying the same things but with the word she was missing. The next day, she said each phrase more fully, with the missing words, "Oh no, the play will be ruined" and "Poor Prince bucket head!"

When we went for a walk Amy began her usual game of hiding behind trees. Sarah joined in. Both are in plain sight and totally adorable.  Amy is the most awesome, persistent inviter. She often tells Sarah to jump, stomp, clap, or sing with her. I couldn't possibly have designed a better person than Amy to help Sarah with her kid-interactions. 

On Friday I took Amy to her class field trip at the Aviary. When she was done with the field trip we went to the surrounding park and she ran around for an hour. Some of her running was across a bridge that is dear to my heart. It is the bridge where Carl and I had our picture taken right before our wedding at the Aviary nearly 12 years ago.

Yesterday we discovered that Sarah can work the top sliding lock on our front door! This was our back-up lock because she can unlock the regular lock. Our resourceful sneak brought the kitchen step-stool over to the front door to accomplish her feat, which was discovered when Carl tried to open the door and couldn't. The even sneakier bit is that Sarah didn't leave the stool right in front of the door. It was still in the entry way, with trails of old dust bunnies as evidence of her movements.

Last night I felt very despairing about my occasional grumpiness with the girls, my inability to eat healthily myself as often as I think I should, my decided lack of oomph sometimes as I face another kitchen to clean, more food to make, more clutter to organize, etc. The wonderful thing is that even with my lack of perfection, I am still running an effective, helpful Sarah-Rise program. I share my trouble spots in the hopes of helping other people know that they don't have to be perfect to still run a program or make a difference. I can feel like I am bumbling along, knowing on some level that I am actually still managing and doing a ton. I have times that I feel amazing and times that I don't. I have times that I think I am the best mom ever and times that I feel the opposite. And somehow, it is all ok and Sarah still loves me and grabs my hand to have me spend time with her, just as I will continue to reach for her hand regardless of how many times she screams about anything. What a beautiful thing persistent bumbling love is.