I've been trying to wrap my mind around an idea lately which seems very simple but profound. When a day or moment is done and I notice how much I did or did not do, maybe that is just information. It doesn't have to be something that I beat myself up about. Maybe if I only got 4 out of 10 things done then that was all that could be done and that is information for the future. Maybe the amount of breaks I need during the week to stay afloat as my best self if just what it is and doesn't have to mean anything. It is just information. Maybe the amount of SR and of brain-building stuff we do in a day is the amount that could be done while still being present with the demands of the day, even if it doesn't match my theory of what could or should have been possible.
Last week Sarah constructed Mat Man (a stick figure) from wood pieces. I have been modeling it and letting her have free play with the pieces for a while. This time I handed her the pieces while saying what they were for and she placed them all by herself. It looked almost identical to the one that I make!
We have a new volunteer who is totally awesome. All of my volunteers, past and present, are so awesome I just cannot believe it or begin to convey the magnitude of their wonderfulness. I continue to be amazed by the people who join our program and bring their sweet selves and respond quickly and easily to my feedback. So amazing. I still have moments of feeling awkward about accepting the help and find it hard to believe that they all really like to come here, but I think they really do. I am so so so so so blessed.
Amy has been playing with the Barbie and Skipper dolls that I brought out of storage for several weeks but Sarah hasn't shown much interest until this week. We found her playing with a Skipper doll in the rope handle on a drum. She was pretending to have it swing and saying "tick, tick, tick" just as Carl does when he pushes the girls on the swing.
One evening at bedtime, Sarah accidentally bumped my nose with her head. Completely on her own she then said, "I'm sorry. you ok?"
Pronouns have been a sticking point for a while and we continue to experiment with different ways of coaching her. During G.'s session he figured out a new prompt of "are you telling me...?" and waiting. Sarah then fixed her pronouns or perspective to be correct. Maybe she actually understands pronouns more than we think but gets confused about whose perspective she is voicing. Slowly but surely we are inching towards more clarity. I am starting to be more difficult and slow when she says something with the pronouns wrong and then I respond very quickly when she gets them right. I am hoping this will help too. A large part of this process is for me to notice when I enable the incorrect pattern instead of helping Sarah learn how to be clearer.
Carl reports that Sarah is a speed demon on her tricycle when she is going downhill. I didn't realize our street had a slope but apparently it does since going uphill Sarah is a bit slower.
I've heard of the concept of rewriting one's memories or changing the story one tells. As we have been spending lots of time looking at old photo books of when Sarah was younger, I find that I am doing just that. In the earlier days I had lots of joy but I also had lots of tight spots of fear and despair as I saw Sarah's peers galloping apace with their development as we trudged ever so slowly. I was scared then because I felt like we had to catch up and I didn't know if we would. It is so lovely to look back and tell my younger self that it is really all ok. I can enjoy the pictures more because I know she does in fact learn to roll over, sit up, crawl, stand, walk, and talk. From our eating struggles of the early days I have always held a vision of us telling Sarah of all the struggles as we all have a good chuckle together because it is clearly a moot point. I hold that vision still, and it is still somewhat to do with digestion and eating and sleeping through the night. We have made enormous progress with the eating situation but we are still in the midst of it too. Some day we will look back on these harder times and chuckle, telling our past selves that it really did all work out and letting the old fear evaporate.
May your current days and old memories be sweet.
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