August 11

This week we got 18 1/2 hours. This was a low week due to my being sick for 4 days (the last two of which I was just a lump and Sonia and Carl did everything). Sarah had another tummy bug and while it only affected one night I still cancelled her volunteers for the following day. It never ceases to amaze me how when I feel sick it is hard to remember feeling well, and when I feel well it is hard to believe I was ever really so sick that I didn't want to move. The good thing is that we are all well now. An extra thank you to Sonia and Carl for their amazingness while I was down for the count. And thank goodness for electronics. While we normally don't do any tv, movies, or ipads, they are so helpful when I am sick. It is a way to keep us all snuggly and together with very low demands upon my person.

Last Sunday after I sent out my update we had an incredible moment. Mom-Mom, Carl, the girls, and I went for a walk to the park. Carl brought a frisbee. At one point Carl asked me if I wanted to play frisbee. Amy wanted to play too. Then Mom-Mom came over. And then Sarah came over!!!!!!! And attempted to throw and catch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is so huge. To join a game already in progress is a step in the developmental model that has usually seemed laughably far away. To participate in a new physical activity is then doubly huge. (picture below)

One of the things Becky Blake recommended was having Sarah hang from monkey bars or rings and eventually work towards pulling herself up a bit. When I started offering a chance to hang she firmly denied it. This past week after Amy did the zipline and rings with my help, Sarah asked to do it. She held the rings and didn't want me to let go. What a beautiful first step to even consider holding the rings. This is a good reminder for me that just because Sarah might say no to something 10, 20, or 100 times, it doesn't mean she won't someday say yes. 

Sarah has started allowing a partial blanket roll. This is another part of Becky's program and is one that Sarah firmly opposed at the beginning. Now I have the blanket on the floor and I wrap part of it around her just to roll her a bit and then I unwrap but keep her in the new position. 

For the past 3 days I have done no official Sarah-Rise and barely any of Becky's program. It feels good to be getting back into the swing of things. And it is good to remember that the world didn't fall apart when I didn't meet my usual daily goals. 

There was something circulating on Facebook recently about how to talk to your daughter about her body or something like that. The thing that impressed me most was about not ever letting my girls see/hear me judging my own body harshly. Whoa. So, in the name of what I want for my girls I am endeavoring to be kinder to myself - to judge my body less and to be more at peace with my decisions and how things go in a given day. Right now this feels awkward, sort of like Sarah trying to throw a frisbee. So I will celebrate that I am even considering such a radical notion of being totally happy with my body and my decisions and myself. Just because it might not happen the first 10, 20, or 100 days, it doesn't mean I won't get there someday. 

Here's to attempt #101.