November 18

This week we got 25 hours and 20 min and I only did an hour of that! Sonia and Carl and my volunteers are rock stars! After each session I have people write up their reflections on what worked or didn't work or changes they noticed or whatever they want to record. It was such a pleasure to read through these notes from the time I was away. My team is so creative! And Sarah is so amazing! I am deeply grateful for this amazing team and this amazing girl who teaches us all to reach for the most loving place inside ourselves. As I probably write every week and say every day, I am so impressed with Sarah's language. Her clarity and expressiveness increases daily and is so self-driven. Certainly we encourage and celebrate but she is the one to keep learning and adding new words to her repertoire.

I have now attended all of the Son-Rise training courses, with the latest being New Frontiers. Soooooooo awesome! The teachers are so incredibly thoughtful and loving. The classes are always the perfect mix of things to help me change my attitude and then concrete specifics for how to improve my techniques in the playroom and as a team leader. I have taken my understanding about giving feedback to yet another level. I have a better understanding of how to build on Sarah's isms, how to initiate games, how to request things of her, how to create games, how to think creatively about props, and how to use Sarah's motivations to help her reach her goals. For example, my prop could be paper towel tubes and ideas could include: alien antennae, long fingers and toes, ears, put things down the tubes and one could be the wrong hole, drum on walls or the table, walking sticks, big binoculars, etc. In any given game, once she is interested then I can make requests, such as saying a word or phrase or looking at me or doing whatever activity I had modeled. If my goal was having her practice saying hello and goodbye, then maybe whatever item was being stuffed down the tube would say hi/bye; then I would ask her to say either word to reinitiate the activity. I have been doing similar games, but I haven't always been so clear about how to combine her motivations with props to play towards her goals. Tomorrow night we have a group meeting so I can share more about what I learned with my team and we can all brainstorm ideas together.

A key thing I learned is how important it is not to place limits on my own thinking and not to judge any idea, whether or not Sarah goes for it. If I start judging myself then I'm not loving Sarah because I'm busy doing something else (judging myself!). There are specific techniques that are part of the Son-Rise program but the most important thing by far is attitude. Towards myself, my team, and Sarah. Love and acceptance at every step of the way. If I get grumpy and judgmental then it is time to accept myself for that so that I have the space to look at it and make changes.

As with the other training classes I have attended, I was so impressed with my classmates and their thoughtfulness, courage, and love. They are an incredible support network for me, blazing trails of what is possible. It is incredibly beautiful to be with a group of people all willing to do whatever internal work it takes to be 100% there for their kids. Helping Sarah change really means changing myself so I can see her more clearly and freely. I can want the world for her and the more I want the better. The important bit is not to need a darn thing from her in order to feel happy, because if I'm needing something from her then that feels like a push and she can sense that and pushes back in some fashion. So the more I let go, the more cleanly and strongly I can request.

I had a mini-dialogue with Bears where I looked at yet another level of how I creatively blame myself for Sarah's condition. This time I was thinking that if only I had learned my lessons 15 years ago when I attended an 8 week course at Option then I wouldn't have needed Sarah's situation to lead me back for more learning. Possible. But why not decide that if it is true then what a wonderful gift the universe designed to help me learn and grow. And why isn't this also somehow perfect for Sarah? Maybe it was important that I did the 8 week course so that I knew about Option and Son-Rise. Maybe I didn't start any sooner than I did because then I wouldn't have had the amazing team I have now. It is all what I make up and choose to believe. When I choose happier beliefs then I have a lot more momentum and energy for taking care of the present moment with more kindness and effectiveness.

Back on the home front, guest writer Carl says: "Sarah can now put toothpaste on her toothbrush which means that she can do all parts of getting ready for bed all by herself, and she usually does each step all by herself with some gentle encouragement to string the steps together. She has also been getting faster at putting on her clothes in the morning and more independent as well (some mornings at least). This had the added benefit of meaning that Sarah and I could sleep in a little later in the morning, with Jenny and Amy out for the week. I've been continuing to practice giving Sarah more space and time in the Sarah-rise room during semi-exclusive behaviors (or especially when she says "Move back"), and really waiting for a strong invitation of steady eye contact with some words or something else that really feels like she is ready to engage. This has felt good to honor where Sarah is, and it seems like we have better connections afterward when I really am patient and wait until she is fully ready. Patience is good."

Love and acceptance to all of you exactly as you are in all ways. I am so grateful for all of you. Happy Thanksgiving!