February 18: The End of an Era

This has been a monumental week, although in paragraph form it will seem short. 

On Tuesday Carl and I had one of the best days of our lives. After the girls were on their way to school, we drove to Delaware for a short visit with my dad and stepmom. Then we drove up to a hotel in Philadelphia, had a delicious dinner in a restaurant, and arrived just as the doors opened for a Josh Ritter concert that had general admission. That meant there were no reserved seats - no seats at all actually. We were standing at the very front, as close as a person could be! And because it was Josh Ritter, it wasn’t even too loud at all. We didn’t need ear plugs. At most we were ten feet away from him. Unbeknownst to me, people buying tickets online were invited to submit a dedication that Josh might read during the concert. So there we were, smiling so much our faces hurt, and then Josh read Carl’s dedication to me!! And then after the concert the person behind us said she happened to record that moment and sent us the recording!! And then as we left the venue we were given two free Philly pretzels. If you are from Philly, you know how awesome such a gift was. Earlier in the day I had been saying that to make it an absolutely exceptional day I should get an email with my possible cover designs. I did in fact get that email with possible cover designs as soon as we got back to our hotel after the concert!!! I mean!!! Can you even believe such a perfect day?! The next day we enjoyed a short walk with Carl’s cousin before driving home in time to meet Sarah’s bus. 

In other news, I have come to the end of an era. Just are surely as I knew 26 years ago that I wanted to go to massage school, I now know it is time for me to close my practice. I have juggled many balls for many years and it is time to put some down. I will miss my clients and the relationships built over many years. Some of my clients have been with me since 2000 when I started my practice, sticking with me through my Alexander Technique training, and through my maternity and hipternity leaves. But it is time to be done. I can already feel myself breathing more fully and having more space for those nearest and dearest to me, even though my schedule has yet to actually slow down. It is the promise that it will that helps.

Is there a word for the surprise of realizing you won’t in fact get to relive any earlier moments of your life? I think some part of me always expects that I will do it all again, like watching a movie a second time. I am now slightly startled to realize that such a big chapter of my life is over, and that I won’t be going back and doing it again. Perhaps this just goes with getting older and I am surprised that such a thing is happening to me.

Now about the children...

Last Sunday Sarah had her first rehearsal learning choreography for All Shook Up. She did beautifully, and I also asked the director if it could work to have some of the other students give her tiny tugs to help her get where she needs to be in a timely fashion. He said that would be fine if we need it. Sarah did want to be done before the rehearsal was over but somehow we were able to take enough tiny breaks to have her persevere. It is ever an exercise in keeping my own equilibrium, or at least not getting too off balance. 

Amy has really been impressing me with how she takes responsibility for wearing her scoliosis brace. I still have to nudge her to do Schroth exercises, but even that feels like it is edging into the realm of her taking more ownership over it. I have been considering locating an old-fashioned corset so that I can maybe experience what Amy lives within 18-22 hours per day. 

Yesterday Carl and Amy had a wonderful time going downhill skiing while Sarah and I took naps and read books and watched tv shows. Then Sarah and Carl and I went sledding for a bit. Sarah made some snow angels, but the snow wasn’t the right consistency to build any creatures. 

Love and free Philly pretzels to you.

February 11: Going Really Well/Not-Well

Rehearsal on Tuesday was simultaneously not great and really wonderful. How can something be both? Well, at first glance, it did not go well because Sarah was wearing her new windshield wiper shirt to which I had attached letters spelling out “windshield wipers.” She was so distracted by her love of the shirt and the letters that she did not seem to be taking in any of what the director was saying. When she did sing along a tiny bit, it was when the tenors or altos were singing, though she has been cast as a soprano. She was concerned that the letters on her shirt were coming off or she wanted to take them off. I was stressed. I knew she only needed to be there for half of the rehearsal because she was only in the first song, but we didn’t even make it through that portion of things. Sarah was tired and kept coming over to me or I would go to her if she spoke. We went into the hall twice. I wanted her to recoup and finish out the last ten or twenty minutes. She was not recouping. At one point in the hall she started to go fully prone in protest. I quickly told her she didn’t need to do that and we could go. She got up. I collected our things and we left. I was not very relaxed and she could tell. She was apologizing to me. I was apologizing to her. We made it to the car and then I realized. . . she had actually handled that whole thing incredibly well. For a night when she was distracted and not on her game, she kept her requests to leave quiet, she easily went into the hall with me twice. She didn’t actually scream on the floor. She didn’t disrupt the rehearsal. So really, it all went so well for not going well. Fingers crossed that today goes more smoothly. We did learn things for future rehearsals. Sarah needs a longer nap time, meaning I can’t have other things I am trying to do because she naps best and longest if I am next to her. She needs a shirt that isn’t distracting. Hydration may help.

For her birthday Sarah received a large lollipop and Friday night she delighted in licking it while singing the lollipop song. Meanwhile, Amy is being consumed by The Hunger Games, which she has been listening to as an audio book. Both girls are slightly consumed by their new phones. We got them phones because Amy’s iPod was on its last legs and I was increasingly wishing I had a way of communicating with her outside of school hours when she might be waiting for me to pick her up or waiting for the bus in the morning. Also, a few weeks ago there was an incident in Pittsburgh where a girl with special needs was dropped off for school but the school wasn’t in session that day. The girl was missing for many hours. I realized how terrifying it would be if something similar happened with Sarah, because her school isn’t easily near places where she could go for help. I wanted to have a way to track her and to call her or for her to call me in an emergency. We have Sarah’s phone programed so it won’t work for anything except to call us during school hours. So far, as soon as she walks in the door after school she takes out her phone and starts playing on it before she removes her shoes. We do limit her daily time with it so I’m ok with the magnetic pull it has as soon as she gets off the bus. 

Carl and Sarah practiced “Hush Little Baby” yesterday with Carl on the guitar and Sarah on the piano. Then Amy joined them and they played and sang songs from the musical “Six,” which is Amy’s new favorite soundtrack. Not to be outdone, our cat decided to nibble on the small puppet stage that Amy built out of a box, complete with theater curtains. Those curtains are apparently mighty tasty. 

I hope all of your things go well, even if they are not going well at all. May they go really well for not going well if that is the case.

February 4: Birthday Celebrations Galore

Sarah has a life-changing new skill: swallowing pills! For the past many years, twice a day, she has opened six capsules of an anti-seizure medication to sprinkle on a small serving of yogurt. When we travel this means I always need to obtain yogurt or a similar vehicle for the tiny balls Topiramate. One evening this week as Sarah was about to do her capsules, I saw an image of her swallowing them instead. I casually suggested the possibility, and she did it! There was no learning process. She just knew how to do it and did it. No more yogurt as a vehicle. No more tiny balls of medication pinging over the table as they miss the yogurt dish. This shaves minutes off of Sarah’s breakfast-eating time, which really helps on school mornings.

Sarah’s week was filled with more birthday celebrations. On Wednesday night we had pizza and cake with our local family members, and then last night we went to Max’s Allegheny Tavern for a dance party and German food with friends and family. Many of Sarah’s school friends were able to attend and my heart was full. There have been so many times in my life when I feel like a puzzle piece clicks into place. The first time was when I met my own best friends when I was 4 and thought, “Finally, here are the friends I have been looking for.” Another time was in my college dorm hallway talking to Carl before we were officially a couple. Witnessing the kindness and sweetness of Sarah’s classmates, I feel that same clicking feeling of, “Sarah is really at the right place” for school and with a peer group. 

For Sarah’s cakes and cupcakes I made fondant and decorated it using food coloring and edible markers. She loves tunnels, windshield wipers, red Xes, green arrows, and yellow Xes, so that was the theme for her cakes. She loved them and could have happily looked at them and pointed to her favorite things for many minutes before we served slices. If anyone ever needs a recipe for a delicious vegan, gluten-free cake, I recommend Chocolate Covered Katie’s recipe, but don’t follow the suggestion to add xanthum gum if using gluten-free flour. That makes the batter and result weird. Speaking of windshield wipers though, Carl was able to procure a t-shirt with windshield wipers pictured on the front and that has been one of Sarah's favorite presents. She wants the words “windshield wipers” to be on it too so today she and I will buy some iron-on letters and add them to her shirt.

If you want a great venue for a private party, I highly recommend Max’s tavern. If you want a good time on a Monday, I do not recommend getting a thyroid biopsy. That was my Monday. For a couple of months I have felt like something wasn’t quite right with my thyroid, as if I could feel it physically. After seeing my doctor, I was scheduled for an ultrasound this past Monday morning. They found two nodules and wanted to biopsy one of them right then and there. Of course there was the wait to contact my doctor and get the prescription because we live in a ridiculous society of insurance red tape. Also, who wouldn’t want to wait for an unspecified amount of time for an unpleasant procedure? When it was finally time I was numbed and sampled. I was so tense, filled with fear and adrenaline and holding myself completely still, that after it was done I was a crying, shaking mess. Luckily the next thing on my schedule was exchanging massages with a friend. Instead of an exchange, my friend just worked on me and I can’t imagine a more healing recourse after the trauma of the biopsy. The good news is the biopsy didn’t show anything. The bad news is they didn’t feel that they got quite enough of a sample, so I have to go back in two months for a repeat experience. Except this time I will take something to help me relax and Carl will come with me. 

For the rest of Monday I felt rather beat-up and delicate. I needed many good cries. For one of them Sarah came into my room and noticed that I was sad. She immediately came over to rub my shoulders, touch my head, gather my used tissues, and call “Aunt Jaguar” to come help. I have no idea who Aunt Jaguar is, but since Carl was working from home, Sarah returned with Carl Aunt Jaguar, who also listened to my tears. By Tuesday I felt much better. 

January 28: Rehearsals and Ridiculous Car Business

Rehearsals for “All Shook Up" have begun! Last Sunday Sarah and I were at her school for three hours. The first hour was a talk by the director about all of the various nuts and bolts of the show and program ads (required for participation), and rehearsals. The next two hours were a read-through of the whole thing complete with clips of the musical numbers from the broadway show. In hindsight, Sarah and I probably didn’t need to be there for the whole read-through. It did give me a sense of the show as a whole, but I’m not sure how much Sarah absorbed of that. And it was a lot of sitting still and sitting quietly. Since Sarah doesn’t have any lines aside from singing in some of the songs, there wasn’t anything for her to actually do that day. She made it through remarkably well. There were only two times of screaming prone on the floor, and Sarah waited patiently for me to be done each time. . . 

Of course it was actually her on the floor, but those moments didn’t actually last long even if they felt like it to me. Within about five minutes she regrouped and was ready to go on. Luckily those moments, while possibly heard by the director and other students, weren’t seen. It was a good learning experience for me to realize that she can totally hit her limit and it doesn’t mean we have to abandon ship. It means she needs five minutes. That is what I have explained to others but can sometimes forget myself. 

I had told the director ahead of time that at the beginning of rehearsals sometimes Sarah can have times of overwhelm and big feelings including screaming because everything is new, but to not make assumptions based on those first times about how the whole thing will go. Similarly, when all of the cast members went around giving introductions, I spoke for Sarah because she was feeling a bit overwhelmed. I shared that she had been in Peter Pan, Jr, and High School Musical, Jr. and to please not worry based on the first day about how the whole thing would go. The first day can feel like a lot. 

Oh, and when Sarah was sitting on my lap at one point and reached to put down her binder, we both tipped over onto the floor. This was in full view of everyone. That was a stellar moment and I wanted to be swallowed up by the floor. Instead, we righted ourselves and I just closed my eyes and rested my head on Sarah’s back. 

The next two rehearsals were weekday evenings so Sarah and I took naps as soon as she got home from school, had an early dinner, and went to her school. Those rehearsals went much more smoothly because they were learning the songs and some of the scene blocking. Sarah told me she didn’t want me sitting next to her on the bench so I sat to the side of the room. While we need to practice word clarity (and that may come in time anyway), I could hear her singing on pitch. For the times when she is supposed to get up or sit down, she did so. I was so impressed watching her be mostly quiet or participating and attentive for the better part of two and a half hours. There were a couple of moments the first night when she wanted to be done, but those upsets were smaller and we made it through. 

Sarah had a mix of school days that were great and others that were challenging. Apparently she has a harder day when her lead teacher isn’t there, which is the same as it was at her previous school. On one of her hard days, she had to eat lunch in her resource room instead of the cafeteria because she didn’t stop putting a pencil up her nose. Oh dear. But that is also sort of hilarious. On one of her great days, she worked at the school coffee shop and made sure tumblers were full of ice for making smoothies. 

While there may be times where Sarah seems on the younger side of things and sticks a pencil up her nose, she has also been seeming more grown up, which is fitting for one about to turn seventeen. She clearly, calmly, and politely told me she doesn’t like it when I tell her to get more soap for handwashing and she doesn’t like it when I nudge her (verbally) about getting ready in the morning. She also wanted to start using her alarm to get up in the morning. That is all exciting and wonderful. And it is tricky to figure out how to step back from my nudges but still have her get ready in time without getting distracted. Our first morning of trying to do things differently was a disaster and I was more tense than ever and so was she. Carl pointed out that this is a normal phase when you are trying something new. Anyway, the second day went more smoothly. I still needed to be in her room talking to her to get her to get out of bed. When her alarm went off she didn’t get out of bed to turn it off. She just called for me repeatedly to tell me that her morning sound was going off. I did set a timer on my phone during breakfast so I could just point to that instead of telling her how much time was left. That did seem to work. 

Amy’s MAPS tests went well enough and she enjoyed extra playdates since we didn’t have swimming (because of Sarah’s rehearsal) and her art class hasn’t started yet. For one playdate she and her friend sat on large bouncy balls that were wrapped in blankets that then tied over their own legs and they race bounced around our downstairs on their giant bouncy butts. Amy also dressed as a Victorian vampire as a test run for a possible Halloween costume. She feels like she is late in deciding what to be for Halloween!

Carl and I had rather stressful weeks, but we made it through, and had a night out last night with his family while Sarah and Amy were at Anna’s for Sarah’s birthday bash sleepover. This morning we will go out for a breakfast date. 

My week felt ridiculous in terms of car stuff. I took my car to the dealer for a two hour software update on Monday and sat there working on my laptop while it happened. Except that after three hours it wasn’t done. So they gave me a loaner car and sent me on my way. The update would apparently take six hours, but then there was a glitch and they had to contact the company. So I didn’t know when I would get my car back. For most people with a loaner car this wouldn’t be a big deal, but my car had an appointment Friday to get snow tires at a different location! Luckily I was able to get my car Thursday night on the way to rehearsal. Friday I took it in for snow tires… and it turns out we didn’t get the right size shipped from Tirerack, despite Carl talking extensively to the tire people to make sure we got the right thing. So now I need to make another tire appointment. 

Yesterday Carl played guitar and sang the windshield wiper song with Sarah. It is a song they made up because of her love of windshield wipers. When we dropped the girls off for the sleepover, Anna had streamers with pictures of windshield wipers, red Xs, green arrows, stop signs, and zzz trip - all things she loves about her bus rides.

Anyway, I hope your weeks and windshield wipers are going well.

January 21: So Many Snow Days - Sort Of

There was only one day of in-person school last week. Monday was a holiday, Tuesday was a snow day, Wednesday was a “flexible instruction day” because of the cold, and Friday was another day for schooling at home, which is what a Flexible Instruction Day means. Having assignments to help Sarah complete took me right back to the pandemic days and I marvel that we all survived that time. She still has some worksheets to complete today to finish what was sent home for Friday. Thursday was the only day for in-person schooling and Sarah was so excited she was bouncing on a large exercise ball while waiting for her bus. On the days when she learned that she had to stay home she was very upset, sometimes screaming and crying for half an hour over the upset. Friday was doubly hearbreaking because not only did she miss the rides with her driver but she also missed gym class, which only happens on Fridays. Amy was delighted by the whole situation because it meant postponing MAPS tests, which are standardized tests that she does not enjoy. Friday afternoon the girls did an at-home gym class together to make up for Sarah’s missed class. 

Luckily Thursday was the in-person day because that also meant the girls got to have their fancy braids that Anna did for them Wednesday evening. Sarah’s was a braid that started on one side and went over the top of her head to the other side then wrapped around again. She looked like a princess. Amy had two braided buns. 

Thursday evening we had swimming and while we were waiting for the shower I made the grievous error of checking my phone and informing Amy that she had a virtual day on Friday. Sarah is no dummy and she inferred what that meant for her, even though I hadn’t yet heard. She was very upset in the locker room and shower. I wanted to be swallowed up by a black hole, as the tiny space was packed with people and I felt like I had brought this upon us. Somehow we survived without Sarah having a complete meltdown. Her swim teacher stayed with us even though she was dressed and could have left. That was so kind it gets me teary just thinking about it. 

Speaking of getting teary, last night Sarah had a birthday party to attend and it was also a sleepover. Sarah’s first sleepover at another kid’s house. This was a really big exciting deal. When I dropped her off I felt teary about how sweet and kind the other kids were as they hugged Sarah hello. They all seemed delighted to meet me as Sarah’s mom. I felt so good about our choice of Sarah’s school because these are her resource room classmates. Unfortunately, Sarah then got sick after a couple of hours and threw up, so I picked her up and she didn’t have the sleepover after all. I don’t know if she had a tummy bug or if she wasn’t handling the dairy from the pizza and ice cream. I do limit her dairy intake because it can produce too much phlegm, but it’s usually not instant and I do let her have some on special occasions and usually she is fine with it. So I’m feeling regretful that maybe I brought this upset upon us by not thinking to provide non-dairy alternatives. But maybe it was going to happen no matter what. Sarah’s classmates were concerned about her wellbeing and one of them was by her side rubbing her back, caring for her with the host mom until I arrived. That was also so very sweet. 

Sarah was glued to my side for most of last night in bed (she seems better this morning) since Carl and Amy were away for the night so they could get a full day of downhill skiing today. Last weekend Carl got cross country skis for the girls and took them out for their first experience of it. Sarah had been on cross country skis on Carl’s back when she was a baby, but I doubt she remembers that adventure. I do not think I will ever cross-country ski or attempt downhill skiing again because I’m too worried about any fall messing up my artificial hip. I’m sure many people ski and fall with new hips, but I don’t think that will be me. Instead I have just been bundling up to stay warm inside and outside. I got a new shark blanket bag thing that is both warm and hilarious. Alternatively, I often wear two sweaters or a bathrobe and hat on top of my regular clothes. 

Yesterday we went to see The Red Dress exhibit at the Frick Art Museum. The Red Dress travelled all around the world so that different people from all over could embroider it. Pittsburgh made its own Calico Dress with contributions from many local artists, including Carl’s mom and the mom of Amy’s bestie. Both dresses are beautiful and if you haven’t already seen them I highly recommend going. The exhibit runs through January 28. The museum provided paper and colored pencils so visitors could make their own designs to post on the wall. Amy drew a cat face in a heart and we put it on the wall. Now she can say she has a piece of her art in the Frick Art Museum. 

I hope you are all well and warm.

January 14: Snow Delays, Sledding, and Schroth

Amy graduated from Schroth therapy!! She still needs to do the exercises at home, but she doesn’t need to go in to the Children’s hospital every week or two to see her physical therapist. This is huge. We are both so happy about it. I like her physical therapist very much, but it is a relief to no longer need to figure out childcare for Sarah for an hour on Wednesday afternoons, because the timing didn’t work well to bring her along to the appointments. Amy is ecstatic that she won’t miss any more science classes or rides home on the bus with her bestie. I am thrilled that I can start seeing some Wednesday afternoon clients or have that time to work on other things. I have a lot of book related tasks that need attention these days.

Amy has started wearing her scoliosis brace over her regular shirt so if she isn’t wearing a sweater then it’s not hidden at all. I love that she is this emotionally comfortable with it in general and especially at school. I think it has really helped to attend the Higgy events and zooms for kids with scoliosis. She also charts how much she wears the brace and that has meant I don’t need to remind her to put it on after she takes a break. I still remind her to do her Scroth, but she has gotten much speedier with that, timing the intervals between each exercise so the whole thing doesn’t take an hour. 

This week, every morning when Sarah waited for her bus she did a verbal adaptation of Dinosaur vs the Potty by Bob Shea. Shea has several dinosaur books where it is the dinosaur vs something and involves lots of roaring interspersed with things related to the title. Sarah said “Dinosaur vs waiting for the bus” and interspersed her roars with various sentences about what she was doing. I wish I had recorded her but I was too busy laughing. Mainly her activities were exercise related, either with a large exercise ball or doing her version of gymnastics. 

Tuesday’s bus situation was delayed because of the weather. When I woke I could hear the frozen precipitation hitting the windows so the first thing I did was check the news website for the list of school closures. At 5am there were 4 schools listed as delayed by 2 hours. Over the next couple of hours over 220 schools were added to the list. I got a text from Sarah’s school announcing the delay right as she was about to get dressed in her uniform. I contacted her driver, figuring he might be half way to our house by then. He wasn’t, but he was glad to get my update since he had not yet been notified. Amy’s school followed suit a bit later. Unfortunately, Amy’s driver was extra late because of going back to pick up two kids who had missed the bus, while simultaneously sending the Facebook message group of parents a reminder that if kids miss the bus then their parents need to drive them. Um? If that is the case then why did the driver go back to get those kids? On the one hand you can see that as nice. On the other, you can realize that that meant Amy and her bestie were waiting for half an hour in the snowy/rainy cold and wondering if their bus was actually coming. They were about to give up and contact their own parents for a ride when the bus finally arrived. 

I am yet again a genius in a small way regarding making hydration a game for Sarah. One of the movies she likes to watch is Baby Babble 2 and it has many transitions between scenes. I suggested that she take a drink of water every time there is a transition. Not only does she do this, but she often repeats her favorite scenes thus getting extra sips. 

This weekend Carl’s cousin and her family are visiting and enjoyed playing The Fairy Game with us. That is the cooperative board game that I turned into a drinking game, where everyone has some of their water when the Old Man Winter card is drawn.Yesterday despite the cold and wind, a good time was had by all sledding, followed later by a snowy nighttime exploration which Sarah deemed “hunting for the night bear.” Amy and one cousin made good use of my new shark blanket-bag thing, hopping around in it together so it really looks like a shark has eaten one or both of them. 

January 7: Parties, School, and Being Present

Happy New Year! We celebrated New Year’s Eve at home with two other families. They are families of some of Amy’s best friends so she was not ready for the night to end at midnight. They could have played for many more hours. Meanwhile, Sarah went to bed at her usual 8:30! To pass the time until midnight Amy and her friends created a Bingo game based on events or important things from the year. Whoever won the game then got to tell everyone else to put on items of clothing or costumes from our dress-up bin. It was hilarious, with bunny ears balancing atop hats, and cat-paw mittens shoved onto feet. 

It was a short school week with Sarah starting Wednesday and Amy starting Thursday. Amy used her few days before school started to finish her graphic novel pages based on chapters from How I Became a Ghost, which her class read. It is about the Trail of Tears. Amy was upset with herself for not spreading the work out more over winter break because then she could have done a panel a night instead of having to spend the better part of two days making many panels per day. That said, she got it done and her work was beautiful.

Sarah had a difficult time in art class on Thursday, being asked thrice by her teacher to stop what she was doing, and eventually being taken out of the class early. What was she doing? Putting charcoal on her face. For some reason that cracks me up. I understand the bigger point is that they want her to respond the first time they ask her to do or not do something. I feel the same way. And yet, at home it is not uncommon for Sarah and Amy to decorate their faces, especially if one wants to have stripes like a tiger. Or, maybe it started with Sarah wanting to decorate her face but when asked to stop she doubled down, as can happen at home. For the rest of the art project they will have her use different materials instead of charcoal. 

Thursday afternoon we had our customary dentist appointment field trip where the girls and I all had appointments one right after the other. As we were sitting in the waiting room, Sarah’s kindergarten teacher walked out, having finished her dentist appointment! The teacher and I did a double take after the initial polite hellos of strangers in a waiting room. It has been about 8 years since we have seen her, but she recognized us. And Sarah recognized her right away. We have often seen friends when we go to the orthodontist but this is the first time our social meeting area was at the dentist. 

Carl was away for a business trip for a few days which meant that Sarah slept in my bed. In the past it has worked to tuck her in, finish cleaning the kitchen or whatever else I want to do downstairs and then going to bed at my normal time. This time Sarah wouldn’t go to bed without me so one night she started helping me clean the kitchen so I could be ready for bed earlier. 

Now I am the one away for a short trip so I wasn’t at home yesterday when it snowed. At one point Carl wondered where Sarah was. Then he heard a scraping noise and went to investigate. Sarah was outside and had shoveled nearly our entire sidewalk! Later she initiated standing on the dining room windowsill and was quickly joined by Amy. The window frames point out how much taller Amy is than Sarah because she has to scrunch to be contained by the window, whereas Sarah has window room above her head.

Lastly, there was one morning when I nudged myself to be more present with Sarah as she was repeating the usual things she likes to say. I reminded myself of how wonderful it was to have time with her and just felt a lot of love for her whole being. As I became more aligned with that energy and way of being in myself, she suddenly looked at me with more sparkly presence in her own eyes. It was a good reminder of how I want to be more often and that Sarah can feel it without my saying a word.