May 26: Swimming and a Sneaker Gala

Last Sunday we attended a luncheon to celebrate the marriage of one of my cousins to her fiancé. It was a beautiful day, it was wonderful to see lots of family members that we don’t often see or haven’t seen in many years, and there were bubbles galore so Sarah was in heaven. Amy made use of the drawing pads and crayons, while Carl and I observed all of the much younger kids and wondered how we came to have the big kids! 

Before heading home, we went to the site of the Battle of Bull Run. It was a hot day and Sarah was initially not wanting to get out of the car, so Carl offered to give her a piggy back ride. That offer resulted in short rides for each kid. I always find it hard to reconcile knowing that an area saw a terrible battle with the beautiful, calm, sunny day we observed. After a few minutes we were on our way since we had many hours to drive and the girls had school the next day. We made another stop at our favorite Virginia Farm Market that we had stopped at the day before. This time the girls were even more into playing on the wooden train and in the sand than they were the previous day. It was hard to make them get back in the car since it is increasingly rare for them to play together. We also got more cider donuts, of course! And blueberries, strawberries, corn, and tomatoes.

Monday was momentous. Sarah swam a lap in the big pool were she takes lessons. I don’t know if it is Olympic in size, but it is a normal big pool. She swam a lap with her teacher beside her holding a pool noodle in case she got tired. Sarah’s swimming isn’t quite standard form because it is hard for her to get her body horizontal and her legs tend to look like she is running through the water. But still! She moved safely from one end of the pool to the other and back again with no help. That is huge. 

Our new chair-and-a-half was delivered on Tuesday and our cat approves, in that the sleeps on it, but she doesn’t claw it (knock on wood) and that was the point. We also wanted a smaller piece of furniture where our previous couch had been so that Carl can have an area in which to play his guitar. Luckily, the junk removal people that I called to take away our old couch never called back. To make room for the new item, Carl and I put the old couch on the porch. Now we have a porch couch and we love it!! 

Amy and her friends attended their school’s Sneaker Ball on Friday, getting dressed in fancy clothes and sneakers. Amy looked gorgeous in a blue dress with the sparkly black mesh overlay dress she got at the fairy festival. She said they didn’t actually dance much, but there was lots of food and it was fun to hang out with her friends. Towards the end of the evening they moved to the hall where it was quieter because the main space was quite loud. She slept well that night. 

In preparation for the Ball, Amy wanted to take a shower. She explained to me later that she now knows how to do so without Sarah getting upset. She recently drew a musical note on the mirror in the condensation because she always draws something on that fresh surface. Sarah sometimes barges in and tries to erase what Amy has drawn, but seeing the musical note gave her pause and she left it all there. Now Sarah knows Amy may draw something she likes, so she doesn’t barge in to erase and even was patient while Amy was in the shower. I heard Sarah singing “All Shook Up” to pass the time. Amy and I discussed the possibility of using this new dynamic to her advantage and providing a pencil and paper in the bathroom so anytime Amy goes in she could draw a picture for Sarah. If Sarah knows a picture might be coming, maybe she will wait easily. Of course, so far there hasn't been a moment of screamy impatience.

Sarah is in the home stretch for her school year, with only one full-length school day left. Tuesday is a half-day because the boys’ baseball team made it to the championships and they want the whole school to be able to attend. Wednesday is a full day, and then Thursday and Friday are half days. I don’t remember ever having a half-length school day in my life. If you are reading this and went to school with me or are my parent and remember otherwise, please update my memory!

Yesterday we had a beach day and Amy and Carl braved water that I deemed icy. Sarah put her feet in but mainly stayed in the sand. It was a bit windy and at one point our cabana collapsed around a seated Carl, so all you could see was his upright form draped in blue. It was hilarious. Meanwhile, Amy lovingly hones her skill at roasting Carl for being an old boring potato. To prepare for our upcoming college reunion, Carl and I have been looking through old pictures. He said it was weird that our older selves can look back at pictures of our younger selves but our younger selves never get to see pictures of our older selves. Amy said something like, “if you could see your older self, that self would be in the compost.”

May 19: Screamies and Faerie Magic

Last weekend Sarah had many screamy moments. It seemed like she didn’t have her usual capacity to handle being told “no,” whether it was us telling her to stop doing something or that we weren’t going to a bakery. If it had been later in the month I would have assumed her period was about to start. I was uncertain about sending her to school on Monday, but she really wanted to go. Monday morning at 9:30 her teacher called to say she had a big screaming meltdown and it would be best if I could come get her. Things mostly were back to normal after that, but normal does include screamies. It is just how often they happen that marks a difference.

Wednesday evening she had a big screamy time when Amy used the bathroom. This is unfortunately a common occurrence and is accompanied by pounding on the bathroom door. We have tried many things to shift this dynamic, to no avail. The confusing thing is that Sarah doesn’t do it a hundred percent of the time that Amy uses the bathroom. Sometimes she is calm and says she will go downstairs. But often she screams and insists that she needs the bathroom that instant, refusing to use the other two in the house, and then not actually needing to use it when it becomes available. On Wednesday, Carl tried covering his ears and saying she was really hurting his ears. Sarah proceeded to be upset for a long time afterwards, feeling sad that she had hurt Carl’s ears and trying to do things to take care of him. She hasn’t had such a big screamy time since then, and Thursday morning she seemed extra clear and focused on getting ready for school. She didn’t ask to look at pictures on my phone and she got out of bed and came downstairs completely on her own. She also hasn’t pounded or screamed about Amy’s bathroom use. I don’t expect this to have solved it permanently but any respite is welcome. 

We had a routine checkup with Sarah’s neurologist and learned that one medication, that she has always had as a liquid via syringe, comes as a tablet!! We are on our last bottle of the liquid and then our lives will get easier in that tiny way, which actually feels huge. No more possible hitch when going through airport security due to carrying a large bottle of liquid! No more worrying about the glass bottle breaking! No more syringes!

When I arrived to teach at the massage school Thursday morning I thought I must be in a dream. . . There were kittens! Walking around!! I could hold them! They spent the morning mostly in their cage so we didn’t worry about stepping on them, but on every break we cuddled kittens. Two of my students have been fostering them and apparently they have been at school every day for weeks, just not in my classroom. I felt my whole body chemistry shift towards calmness in a way I didn’t know I was missing. I don’t get that from having my cat on my lap. It must be something about kittens for me, but maybe that calm is what Amy gets from any cat.

Sarah was home on Friday because school was closed due to the Prom. What?! In my day… Anyway, Carl worked from home since I was teaching. That was a convenient arrangement to have in place given that Amy wasn’t feeling well and needed to stay home too. Yesterday morning she still didn’t feel great so we had her checked by her doctor. Nothing to do except rest and hydrate and take ibuprofen. Those remedies can be powerful though.

Yesterday we drove to Virginia because today we are celebrating the wedding of a family member. Amy recovered rapidly as the miles passed, napping most of the time. Since the only thing on our agenda was the drive, we had the flexibility to stop at Berkeley Springs, WV when we saw a faerie festival in the main square. Amy walked in as a human being and emerged as a fairy, seemingly fully restored to her usual vivacity. The festival had a Fairy Clothes Closet where clothing donated by thrift stores was available for people to purchase for whatever amount worked for them. I found a sparkly blue top and Amy put together a remarkably perfect outfit comprised of a green dress, a sparkly black mess over-dress, and a scaly shiny green jacket. After that we went to the face painting area and Amy completed her transformation with green leaves and gems around her forehead and eyes. Meanwhile, Sarah added to her sunglass collection with a pair of purple-tinted butterfly sunglasses.

We capped off that uplifting experience by stopping at our favorite Virginia Farm Market. Sarah loves the sand area and the flags, and we all love the cider donuts. We may need to stop there on our way home later today.

Lots of love and fairy magic to all of you.

May 12: Cards and Concerts

On Friday Sarah was upset when she came home from school, as she usually is on a Friday, because she would have to wait until Monday to see her beloved bus driver. After her initial upset she went off to her room. When she came back downstairs she was carrying a construction paper card that she made with scissors and glue. She informed me it was a Mother's Day card. . . for her bus driver! I’m sure he will be delighted! I say that in gest, and yet…he will be. Many people who are not mothers extend a nurturing energy towards others that is meaningful and deserves to be recognized. The bus driver certainly fills a meaningful, nurturing role in Sarah’s life so I couldn’t begrudge him the card even as I wondered if she had made one for me. 

This morning, after enjoying a fancy coffee and a chocolate croissant that Carl brought to me while I worked on the Spelling Bee game, I came downstairs to a pile of cards and presents. Sarah had in fact made a card for me too, and it is heart-melting. Under where she wrote “Happy Mother’s Day” there is an indistinct drawing that Carl informed me was her attempt at drawing my lips. Inside the card she wrote, “I love your kissis.” Carl said that was all her idea; all he had done was ask her what she loved about me. Amy made a beautiful heart drawing with smaller pictures that represent me and our connections, such as the dresses I have passed along to her, snuggling our cat, the bread I make, and a tiny picture of my book. I feel seen and loved.

Earlier in the week, Sarah and I had a relaxed walk to her eye doctor because she felt like her glasses needed to be tightened. She initiated our walk, and when we arrived she walked up to the desk and told the people what she wanted. I said nothing. I was merely her companion on this journey, making sure she crossed streets safely, but she did the whole thing herself.

On Tuesday night Carl and I went to a Decemberists concert. We saw many people we knew from different parts of our lives and were glad to have our ear plugs since it was loud. Although I tired of standing for 4 hours, it was a good concert. In preparation for this concert we had listened to the Decemberists’ latest album and were surprised that it was comprised of two normal-length songs and one 20 minute song. I never listened to the 20 minute one all the way through. I just didn’t enjoy it and couldn’t stick with it. When the group came back onstage for their encore they said, “We have one more song for you.” I turned to Carl and said, “As long as it’s not Joan in the Garden." Cue Joan in the Garden. I didn’t enjoy it and would have left early except that we wanted to see some friends we knew were in attendance but hadn’t yet seen. Aside from that, it really was a fun night.

Last night was a double concert extravaganza with Carl going to a They Might Be Giants concert, while the girls and I stayed home with Amy’s bestie and livestreamed a concert by Bandits on the Run. Sarah promptly got her own guitar and strummed and sang along. In the picture I took you can barely see Sarah because the room was dark, but you can see her white guitar strap around her back as she faces the Bandits. Long ago when Adrian volunteered in the Sarah-Rise program he would bring his guitar to his sessions. Somehow Sarah getting her own guitar to play along with him seems to bring everything full circle. 

Topping off our week, we have seen a baby bunny in our backyard! It is soooooo cute. Amy and I have been beside ourselves. 

Lots of love and kisses to you all.

May 5: Sleeping, Inquiring, and Potatoes

Last Sunday Sarah needed to sleep A LOT to recover from the energy output from tech week and the performances for the musical. She napped after breakfast. She napped after lunch. When it was time to wake up to get ready for her piano recital she kept asking for one more minute. Then she said, “no, no, I’m too weak to go on.” We debated about letting her skip the piano recital, but she had been practicing her pieces so often and was so good at them and, and, and. It was a tough call, but in the end she did wake up enough and get in a dress. She did a beautiful job at the recital, and then took another nap when we got home. She was probably napping by 4pm. We had a party scheduled for 6pm to celebrate all of her accomplishments and Amy’s art show. At 7:40 Sarah was still completely out, batting nary an eyelid when we checked on her. Since we had to wake her to take her medications anyway, we did wake her in time to be part of the party while she had dinner. And then she promptly went back to sleep!

Sarah did seem quite congested on Sunday and I was concerned that she got a cold after pushing so hard for so long with the musical. But, it turns out it was just her usual seasonal allergies. Since it was a beautiful day we forgot that at this time of year we have to keep the windows closed. Spending the night in her room with the windows shut and the air purifier going made an enormous difference and she was in great shape Monday morning, eager to see her bus driver and go to school. 

I have started appreciating how often Sarah asks all of us how our day was or how a trip was or a certain activity. She has been doing this for a while, but I think she is doing it more often now. She models for me how I could have more space to ask such questions when Carl comes home. Sarah is often eager to know about Carl’s day, how his rowing went, and what he had for lunch. 

Not to be outdone in showing Carl some love, for months now Amy has been constantly reminding him that he is boring, old, and a potato. She comes up with new and creative ways to share this message and we all share lots of laughter around it. 

This weekend we are all having Dad Weekends. The girls and Carl are having a weekend without me while I’m visiting my dad, stepmom, and brother - with an added bonus that one of my aunts is visiting too. 

Just as Sarah needed to recover her energy after the intensity of the musical, so did I. I took naps and enjoyed some time reading on the couch. I also realized I wanted to cut back on more of my teaching and administrative responsibilities and those changes are now in progress. People often ask what I will do with my time now that I’m not seeing clients and if I cut back on teaching.  I will breathe more, notice my surroundings more, and not be so busy that I end my days exhausted. For a long time I loved doing it all and so even if my days were packed I was still thriving. But now, maybe as I come into my own boring old potatohood, I don’t want to be doing all the things anymore. It’s just time for a change, and maybe that will lead to some new thing or maybe it won’t. For now I’m loving slowly clearing our house from years of clutter that I had no time for. And reading! I love reading and want much more time for that. There is also still plenty to do to keep everyone fed and in clean clothes and where they need to be when they need to be there. 

Lots of love to you all, especially if you happen to be a boring old potato.