November 26: Turkey Trots and Higgy Zooms

Sarah had a piano recital last Sunday and all went smoothly once we got out the door. It can feel tricky to balance making time for a nap prior to getting dressed nicely for something while leaving enough time to get dressed and get past any protests. Thanks to Carl helping us both stay mostly calm, we made it.

Amy is ever more recovered and has started wearing her scoliosis brace again. I forgot to mention in my last update that she attended another Higgy zoom. Higgy Bears is a nonprofit group offering community and support for kids and teens with scoliosis. If you know anyone in that category who doesn’t already know about the Higgy Bears, I highly recommend it. Amy has loved both zooms and wears her “bent not broken” bracelet all the time. It’s a big deal to wear a brace for most of every day and to have to do exercises daily so it is wonderful that she has a place to go where everyone knows what one or both of those things are like. I don’t know how much they talk about scoliosis, but I do know they play games and she is always glowing after the zooms. 

Amy had a gloriously long play date with her bestie on Wednesday and dressed up in all sorts of things from our costume bin - that is when I knew she was really recovered. It is astonishing to remember that two weeks ago today Amy and I were waking up in the hospital after her surgery. It is wonderful how quickly young bodies heal, especially when the cuts are laparoscopic. There is still some more healing needed before she will be doing cartwheels, but now she is allowed to go swimming and to pick up things over 10 pounds. 

Thursday morning, Carl and Sarah ran the Family Fun Run Turkey Trot. Last year Amy participated too, but this year she wasn’t quite healed enough for running a mile to make sense. Sarah loved it and even won a hat after racing a person in a turkey suit. I stayed at home cooking, and then we had a delicious Thanksgiving meal with our local family. We always make enough food to have plenty left over, including 4 different kinds of pie (pumpkin, apple, chocolate, and key lime). The chocolate mousse and key lime pie are recipes left over from our GAPS days and involve avocados. Luckily my avocados behaved and ripened in time. 

Our days since Thanksgiving have involved ample dining, desserts, napping, reading, and playing Kittens in a Blender (Amy’s latest favorite card game). 

Love and naps to all of you.

November 19: Recovery

Last Sunday the surgeon on duty said that Amy was free to go home as soon as she felt ready, but at that time Amy felt anything but ready. Carl and Sarah visited, bringing a sad-faced balloon (selected by Sarah of course!) and a new Beanie Boo stuffed animal. After lunch we put in the request to be discharged and a mere (!) four hours later we were on our way home. It was so nice to be in our own beds and allowed to sleep without interruption. Amy slept for about 12 hours that night. She spent Monday and Tuesday at home, but I could tell she was starting to feel better as she needed pain medication less often and she started doing art in her room. On Wednesday she went back to school, having been instructed by the doctor to take it easy and not participate in any contact sports. We communicated ahead of time with her friends to let them know any hugs had to be gentle, because hugging each other hard is their contact sport. Amy felt loved and appreciated as the texts, pictures, and videos came in from her friends while she was at home. They missed her so much. She is mostly back to normal and has resumed her Schroth therapy exercises, but she is not yet able to comfortably wear her scoliosis brace. While she normally aimed to wear it for 20 hours a day, I think it is important for her to be more fully healed at the incision points before putting any undo pressure there. When she tried it yesterday for a minute and I asked how it felt, she said fine, but then she tearfully admitted that it would take getting used to how it hurt where her belly button had been cut. I told her to take it off immediately and we would try again another day. It’s hard to be a momma bear wanting to protect and take care of a baby bear from two different perspectives that collide with each other!

Amy received the best present when her bestie came to deliver cookies. It wasn’t the cookies (although they were super delicious) so much as the BFF's gentle hug that made Amy’s day and brought the biggest smile to her face that I had seen since her pain started. It is amazing to think back to a week ago this morning when Amy was in such rough shape - the way bodies can heal is remarkable, as is modern medicine and laparoscopic surgery. If it weren’t for modern medicine most family members that I know would be dead, as would I, maybe many times over.

Sarah had a good week, including staying after school for a few minutes on Thursday to sign up for the musical. I’m still wondering if this will actually work once rehearsals start and I go as her helper. It seems like she is the only one from the St. Anthony program doing the show, so the only one who might need a little help. At her old school there were more St. Anthony kids in each musical so it seemed like more of a done thing, and I was more sure of her acceptance by the other students since she had been a part of the school for years. So fingers crossed for All Shook Up, the musical based on Elvis, that will start rehearsals in January.

Yesterday we got our covid boosters, making it a family event as we did for our flu shots. First shots, then a CVS shopping spree where I let the girls pick out cookies and snacks and nail polish. Apparently the shot yesterday was much more painful for Sarah and Amy, but especially for Sarah. Perhaps you heard her scream? She has had tons of shots and bloodwork in her life and often handles all of it calmly, with the exception of anything to do with EEGs, for which we now know we need laughing gas. I was surprised to hear her scream yesterday, but felt like we were in a good place for handling it. Carl sat with her for many minutes, while the staff members brought her tissues and water, and Amy waited patiently so they could do the snack selection process together. I was standing in a very long and slow-moving line to pick up a prescription, and by the time I was done the girls were ready to load up on Goldfish and Milanos.

We got a new printer yesterday and Sarah delighted in using the copy feature. If left to her own devices she would make copies all day and use up all of the toner and paper as she pretends to work at FedEx/Kinkos. She made a few copies of pages from my book draft, as she knows that is what I go to collect at Kinkos. 

Speaking of my book, I’m thrilled to have been provided with my publication date: January 21, 2025! That means the publisher needs my entire manuscript by January 2024, along with other things so they can create the cover. It’s exciting to have things to do bookwise again other than waiting. I keep thinking in stunned wonder, “My book will be published and there’s nothing I need to do!” That’s not true at all. There is a ton I need to do, but there is no magic that needs to be performed. I am on track. I will do my things, and the publisher will do their things, and it will happen. And that feels like magic!

While my time in the Sarah-Rise room was long ago, I have recently been reminding myself of some perspectives that I found useful in the room. My job, especially when teaching or seeing my clients, is to show up and offer my best self, but after that it’s not up to me. If someone doesn’t want some Alexander Technique perspective or hands-on, that doesn’t mean I have done something wrong by offering it. It just means it is not the moment or the modality for them. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with me. I can still be pleased about how I did my job of showing up and offering my presence. 

November 12: Emergency Surgery

 Last Sunday was a glorious autumn day. We started our day in Washington, DC, where we had been for a family wedding. We decided to see some of the monuments before heading home. We hadn’t known what our morning would be like so had kept it open, so it was very last minute to reach out to some other family in the area. Luckily one of my cousins was available so we met her for a delicious lunch, and we saw her parents who were in town too. 

For more family time, we had dinner with Grandma and Grandpa on Monday, echoing a dinner the week before when Sonia was also able to join us. We love being able to have casual dinners with local family, or sometimes-local family. Amy got home from her first evening art class so it was great that she could share the details with all of us. The teacher for the class is also the newly hired art teacher for her school, but the students come from all different schools. They are mainly focusing on drawing people at the moment, which is what Amy does with most of her free time anyway. 

Sarah drew pictures of people too. She drew a large smiley faced bus driver with smaller smiley faced passengers. I sent them to her bus driver who was quite moved. We are really incredibly blessed to have this driver who loves Sarah as much as she loves him. 

Yesterday morning started off normally, aside from the fact that I was taking a two-day continuing education class at the massage school. I had a few hours of learning about the Trager Method before I left in a hurry after getting Carl’s call about Amy. I do want to learn more about Trager in the future because it overlaps notably with the thinking and experience of the Alexander Technique. 

Carl texted me so I knew that Amy wasn’t feeling well (throwing up, intense pain near her hip) and that he was going to take her to Urgent Care. Then the people at Urgent Care sent them to the ER at the Children’s hospital. As soon as he called to tell me that Amy needed surgery for a twisted ovary, I got in the car and was on my way to join them. 

Sarah was a supportive older sister and Nurse Bow-Wow. After what felt like a very long wait, with Amy being given morphine for her pain, she was finally taken to be prepped for surgery. As Carl and Sarah said their goodbyes, Sarah said, “Bye, Amy. I hope you feel better soon.” Amy’s face, though ashen and green and with her eyes closed in pain, brightened when she heard Sarah’s words. So often when Amy is upset or ill, Sarah doesn’t quite hit the right note for Amy to appreciate her efforts so this was heart-warming to see that connection. 

Carl and Sarah went home. I had packed supplies for staying the night, but…. I realized a couple of hours later that I forgot my evening meds to help me avoid cluster headaches! And it’s not something I can just skip. So, feeling stupid, I told Carl of the problem. He arranged to have Grandpa hang out with Sarah after a late dinner while Carl drove the 20 minutes each way to bring me my verapamil. Amy was still in the recovery room and I hadn’t been called to see her, so Carl went home again without getting to see Amy. We didn’t know if it would be another ten minutes or another hour and he needed to get home. 

Right after Carl and Sarah left and Amy was taken to the operating room, I went to the cafeteria for dinner. I went from feeling like I knew what I was doing to suddenly feeling overwhelmed and confused. It it actually just a normal cafeteria and I have been there before, but this time there were signs with barcodes all over the place that said “scan and pay.” I didn’t know what to do so I asked someone else who clearly worked in the hospital and was getting food. He said I could just pickup whatever I wanted and go through the checkout line with a cashier. For some reason that moment of confusion and then getting help switched me into feeling like I wanted to burst into tears. With many deep breaths I pulled myself together (I’m all for crying but that wasn’t the time and place I would choose) and got food. Then I talked to my brother on the phone while I ate and I felt ok again. 

The surgery went well. They even gave me two pages of printed pictures of what they saw and did to her insides. She slept and slept and slept. She is sleeping now. We also were awake many times throughout the night with her vitals being checked or getting more Tylenol or water. This morning she ate some oatmeal, which is her first real food in almost 24 hours. Her skin is back to its normal color, but she is tired and sore. If she feels up to it then we can go home today but we are also welcome to stay another night. 

Carl and Sarah are having a good morning. He said, “This morning I put Sarah’s hot chocolate on her coaster without realizing that her aligners were there. Sarah laughed and said, “Do not squish them dad. My aligners are not a spotted lantern fly!”  After hot chocolate and meds at home, they went to Pamela’s restaurant for breakfast. Pamela’s is known for its pancakes, but Sarah chose her customary restaurant favorite of a toasted bagel with cream cheese. 

Everyone at the hospital has been incredibly helpful and kind. I am so deeply moved by having a team of people work so diligently to help my children be healthy and well and alive. It is almost enough to make me want to be a nurse - except that I get squeamish about many things and I love my current jobs. 

Earlier in the week I was interviewed about my experience of having a village of support. This moment with Amy exemplifies the power of my village. I always reach out for support when there is something big and/or hard so I emailed those who receive these updates via email. I do believe that prayer can help, whether with the medical condition or helping my own heart feel held. I felt so supported by all. It really meant a lot to get supportive messages. Amy especially loved the cat pictures and the silly videos from her BFF. Please know that I will always send you love and support if you need it. 

November 5: Halloween and a Family Wedding

A week ago Amy had a fun day celebrating the birthday of her bestie. It was chilly and drizzly, but the outdoor mini-golf ice cream party happened anyway with umbrellas and rain boots but no dampened spirits. After that we dyed her hair to be ready for Halloween. While Amy and I were out, Sarah and Carl went to a Steeler’s game, also bundled against the cold and the rain. They enjoyed their time thoroughly.

Last Sunday I wrote about how Sarah wanted to tell her bus driver about the rock hard chocolate that formed when the girls were making cake pops. On Monday afternoon when I picked her up from school I asked, “Did you tell ____ about the rock hard chocolate?” She replied, “Yes! And I want to tell him again tomorrow!” On Tuesday her driver wore a Freddy Krueger mask. He warned me ahead of time, and Sarah was not phased. In fact, now she talks about how she scared Freddy Krueger when she said, “Boo.” 

We had a wonderful Halloween. It was cold so Amy wore a teal wool sweater of mine as part of her siren costume so help her be warm. Her winter boots happen to be mermaid-scale print so she was all set. Sarah’s elephant costume was large enough for plenty of bundling. She opted to wear two sweaters rather than a coat. Instead of all of us being part of one theme, we had two thematic groups. Amy was a siren from the ocean and Carl was Odysseus tied to the mast. He maybe took his role as Odysseus a bit too literally, having trouble getting home and encountering various obstacles! Sarah was the elephant from Sandra Boynton’s Blue Hat Green Hat. To accompany her I was the bear in a red hat, Anna was the turkey, and a small stuffed animal moose was the moose. Some houses were so impressed by Sarah’s costume they gave her gigantic chocolate prizes for having the best costume. She got an extremely large Hershey kiss that is as large across the bottom as the palm of my hand. She also got a chocolate bar the size of 3 king-sized bars. Amy was delighted by her haul of multiple Twix bars. Amy went trick or treating with a group of friends, and all of them sorted and traded their candy at the end of the evening. The next day she took in various non-chocolate items to trade with a school friend who doesn’t like chocolate, bringing home peppermint patties to give to Carl since they are one of his favorites.

Amy’s school was having a spirit week with different themes each day. Monday was sports teams, but Amy doesn’t have any non-fictional sports teams that she loves. Instead she opted to wear pink to honor her bff’s birthday. Tuesday was Halloween colors. Wednesday was supposed to be wacky Wednesday and wacky it was, but not as planned. Schooling had to be virtual because of trouble with the sewer system! Thursday was the 80’s, so Amy wore lots of colors, put her hair in a side ponytail, and wore my vintage original plastic charm necklace. She couldn’t understand why anyone would choose the side ponytail look. I wondered why it has fallen out of fashion! Friday was pajama day, so we let Amy go to school for a few hours even though we had to get her early to drive to DC. 

We drove to the greater Washington DC area for a rehearsal dinner on Friday and a wedding on Saturday, celebrating the union of my widowed uncle and his new wife. We hadn’t met her before, but we immediately took to her and her whole family. Sarah doesn’t wear dress shoes often and in hindsight we should have had her wear her black school sneakers. Her feet were hurting as we walked into the church for the wedding. Carl and I rubbed her feet during the reception, and I asked,  “Sarah, have your heard the phrase that people use sometimes for hurting feet? They say their dogs are barking.” Without missing a beat, she quipped, “My musical notes are singing.” 

I don’t know if it was her hurting feet or being hungry or being in a big crowd, but Sarah was very sad for a portion of the reception. Because of her feet, she opted to stay sitting and I got a plate for her at the buffet. What Carl and I didn’t think about was that maybe one of us should have stayed with her for company instead of our whole table being gone except for her. When we got back she was crying and quite sad. We rubbed her back and feet, offered comfort, and suggested food. Carl basically fed her a bite of bagel and that didn’t help. But then he put a bit of salmon in her mouth and suddenly she started eating ravenously. Two portions of salmon later and she was her usual sparkly self. I think she was haaad. That is when you are hungry-sad. 

With the stroke of an “I do” our extended family size has increased dramatically. During the relaxed evening hanging out time, I learned that one of my new cousins even knows what the Alexander Technique is and has studied with a teacher in Boston, whose book I am currently reading! We enjoyed our time with other family members that I hadn’t seen in many years, and we got to see Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop. Amy and Mom-Mom had a good time playing as Mom-Mom pretended to steal Amy’s new stuffed animal cat Maple. Maple is orange and white and is a Higgy Animal, meaning it is wearing a scoliosis brace. The brace is exactly the same pattern as Amy’s. Sarah played with her toy piggy bank with Mom-Mom and then had a riotously good time reading Blue Hat Green Hat to Pop-Pop. Earlier she had also shared the book with her great-uncle and new great-aunt. 

Our Airbnb is surprising in some ways, as they always tend to be. There is no toaster, no coffee maker, and there are no mugs. Things are dusty and could clearly use some vacuuming. Aside from that, it’s been great. The whole weekend has been heart-filling. And the coffee and donuts Carl has procured at Dunkin’ Donuts have been belly filling.