August 30: Ears, Parental Anxiety, and Zoom Bombing with Style

 A couple of weeks ago Sarah had her annual audiology check-up and her left ear was blocked for one of the readings. We did a follow-up with her pediatrician this week and her remaining ear tube wasn’t in place but was still in her ear so we thought maybe that would fix the situation when they took it out. Nope. Still blocked but not in a way the doctor could see. Sarah is now doing Flonase for two weeks to see if that will dry out any extra fluid that might be clogging her eustachian tube. I also need to make an appointment for her to see an ENT and have another audiology check-up. Since she will at some point soon get her appointment to have all of her remaining baby teeth extracted while being fully out with anesthesia, the hope is to have the ENT coordinate with the oral surgeon and be able to do a scope while she is out to determine if her adenoids are swollen. This all feels rather overwhelming to schedule and coordinate.

I have also noticed in the past month or so that Sarah’s hands sometimes shake. I asked her pediatrician about it and they recommended checking with her neurologist, so I have emailed them and sent in some videos of her moments of hand shaking. I do not like this. I am feeling anxious and nervous when I think about it (so I try not to). She seems happy and well and normal overall so maybe everything is actually ok, but it would be nice to have that confirmed.

Meanwhile, my parental panicking was in overdrive last Saturday-Monday regarding Amy. Upon reflection and talking with her pediatrician, we think she was dealing with heat exhaustion. As happened before when it was probably also heat exhaustion, her first night was miserable and her second night was better but still rough and the nights got progressively better. What is puzzling is why she can seem mostly better during the day and then at dinner feel crappy and nauseous and miserable. Towards the end of this experience I discovered the myriad of different products designed to help. Emetrol seemed to help, but I don’t know if it would have on the first night. I can only hope that we can make sure she never gets heat exhaustion again or if she does to give her meds right away. The doctor recommended chocolate milk (or ice cream) on hot days before and after being out in the heat. I wonder how many times we have inadvertently avoided disaster by getting ice cream!

It takes days for my heightened anxiety level to return to normal. Days of focusing on breathing fully and reminding myself that one child being unwell doesn’t mean they will die. It doesn’t mean we will all die. I mean, eventually, yes, but not all of a sudden. I know I already had some high panic levels around the girls being sick even before Covid 19, but now it feels extra intense. 

Everyone is well as of now (knock on wood!) Carl and I even left the house overnight without the girls because they really wanted to do a sleepover with sitter A and A was totally on board with the plan. Our only mistake was in having Sarah know the plan and that the sleepover started yesterday at 4pm instead of at 5am. Sarah had a VERY hard time waiting for A to arrive. Screaming and crying throughout the day at least every half hour or hour. I was pleased that for the most part I handled it easily and calmly. It wasn’t ideal, but it was ok. 

No luck this week with getting Sarah’s permission to wash her favorite shirt and shorts. She says she likes to be stinky and have food stains. She does sometimes wear other things but still doesn’t give permission for laundering. Sometimes in the middle of the night Sarah will want to sleep next to Carl and then I move to her room. When this happened I was sorely tempted to do a secret load of laundry. Luckily I stuck to my promise to her and didn’t. A few minutes after my moment of temptation, she came in (eg 4 am) and put on her favorite corduroy shorts and then went back to my bed.

Sometimes Sarah goes into Carl’s office when he is on zoom calls. This week she has done so with extra flair. Once she knocked the rhythm of “shave and a haircut” and then opened the door to deliver her “two bits” with Roger Rabbit style enthusiasm. Another time she knocked and said “Elsa?” and opened the door to begin singing “Do you want to build a snowman?” from “Frozen." 

We had the loudest thunder I have ever heard. Just twice in the middle of Thursday night. It woke us all up and the girls seemed a tiny bit scared. Normally they aren’t. I was even a little concerned because it felt like the thunder was right on top of us. There was no rain so that made the whole thing even weirder. Friday we had huge rainstorms and the girls had a great time having a rain party with A. How awesome to have a sitter who delights in getting soaked for the sake of a good rain party.

We have been making wooden marble runs this week for the first time in maybe a year or two. We used to make them all the time in the Sarah-Rise room. It is comfortingly familiar to build them again. Sarah is notably much better at following the pictures to build her creation, still with some help from Amy or a grown-up. 

August 23: School for Amy and not forcing the laundry

 A week ago I asked Sarah if I could wash her gymkhana t-shirt because she wears it daily and it was getting a little stinky. I explained I could wash it after she was in pajamas for the evening. She said no. I assured her that was ok and that I wouldn’t wash it unless she gave me permission. An hour or so later she took a shower and changed into a different shirt. I asked if that meant I could wash the gymkhana shirt. She said no. I said ok. An hour after that I asked again and she gave me permission to wash THE shirt! It felt wonderful to get to the desired end without forcing anything. I am now beginning my requests again regarding the shirt and her corduroy shorts that she wears daily.

Another sweet moment was when she woke up at night calling for me. I went in and she was sitting up in bed. When she saw me she said “that’s better” and lay down. I asked if she was too hot. No. I asked if she had had a dream. No. I asked if she just wanted to know where I was. Yes. 

Often Sarah doesn’t seem to mind when I leave for work or errands. On Thursday I was in and out more than usual and at one point when I was home she got very upset about my upcoming departure. She cried for maybe close to an hour while I was with her. While she missed me when I was away, it was with much less upset.

Amy started (remote) school on Tuesday. The academics don’t really start until a couple of weeks from now, so the first few weeks are to ease in and reconnect and make sure the technology works. So far so good. It is more streamlined than in the spring. Amy goes to a special webpage and does her activities for the day (usually in about an hour). If she has any zoom meetings there is a link just for live meetings so I don’t have to sift through my email to find what we need. Amy is eager for the academics to begin.

One of Amy’s school activities was to decorate blank face masks. Amy has a store-bought mask that is pink and makes it look like she has a smiling cat face. Sarah loves to talk about this mask. Amy made Sarah a white mask with pink cheeks and a cat face. Sarah loves it and loves to be cat twins with Amy. They were twins when I took them to get their bangs trimmed.

Last night we heard Sarah singing to herself “Some like yogurt hot, some like yogurt cold, some like yogurt in the cup 9 days old” I love that she adapted the Peas Porridge Hot song all by herself!

Amy made the tallest lollipop ever out of paper. It is nearly as tall as she is and the candy part is as big as her head. 

We have weekly family zooms with some of my family and sometimes the girls participate. This week they were eager to tell Grammy and Granddad and their uncles everything and to show them everything.

Amy has been wanting to play soccer so Carl bought a goal for our yard and the girls helped assemble it. It’s been a bit too hot to really play though. It wasn’t too hot to run to get ice cream after dinner a couple of nights ago.

Amy wasn’t feeling well last night in a way that felt similar to the last time she didn’t feel well (nausea, chills). Our best guess is that she gets a bit of heat exhaustion when she is outside and active for too long on very hot days. She isn’t always the best at hydration. From now on we know we need to do a better job of making sure she is getting enough fluids and salt. She spent the night on the couch and I spent the night on the floor near her. I think I slept better than if I hadn’t been right next to her. This way I could trust that I would wake as soon as Amy did. I spent all of my waking minutes praying that she would be well and assuring myself that my rumbly tummy was due to my fear and reminding myself to breathe fully. I also kept reminding myself that as far as I knew, Sarah and Carl were well. They are. I am too, although I still have a body filled with a bit of adrenaline. Amy doesn’t have a fever and doesn’t seem to have chills anymore, but still isn’t back to her regular self. Any prayers and healing energies are most welcome. 

August 16: Sarah as a snuggly mouse in my house

 For starters, why mouse/mice and not house/hice? Why not mouses in houses? Sarah’s latest expansion for our snuggle play time is to say, “I am a mouse in your house, mama!” If I ask if she is a mouse in my house then her face lights up as if it simultaneously delights and calms some inner part of her being. Along with the words, she loves to snuggle into my chest, as if my body is the house. We also sit cross-legged (or I attempt to) and come up with phrases that rhyme with “criss-cross applesauce” such as “Amy has a doll named Joss,” “Sometimes at night I floss!” and “I wish I had a ball to toss!"

Sarah recently (finally!) received her musical note backpack. We also made shorts from a pair of her corduroy pants and she is thrilled to have fringe as the ends fray. To match sitter A’s corduroy shorts, Sarah wanted her name embroidered on her shorts. I attempted to coach her through this project because she wanted to do it herself. That did not go particularly well, but at least I bailed early and Carl took over. He stayed much calmer and was able to assist and coach her for her part. She is excited to be Dr. Ridge or Dr. Ridge Musical Note Mouse.

This week we have been on vacation and went to the beach many times. That has also felt safe with plenty of space all around. On previous beach trips Sarah would stay by the shore line. This time she was fully immersed in practicing her swimming. We worked a lot on her keeping her mouth shut when under water. This is still a work in progress. Amy was her usual mermaid self, wearing her mermaid tail and braided seaweed in her hair. Amy also helped her American Girl dolls play in the sand and swim. 

Sarah helped with dishwasher installation and weed wacking, both girls became expert corn shuckers, and both girls and dolls attended the Arts Academy boarding school. Amy led an art class for the dolls and drew the work of each student. In A’s words, it was “Amy-azing.” The Beanie Boo stuffed animals went wild, hiding in various places and making a pyramid and sleeping all in a long row in a bed. Since Sarah loves saying “Shave and a haircut, two bits!” we watched “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” and now Sarah likes to pretend she is a (car)toon about to fall in the Dip. 

Last night the girls performed ice dancing in our living room, with Amy leaping around gracefully and Sarah pretending to be hit by ice lasers from the Mario Kart game. I love how they can each express themselves so differently and be in the same play scenario. They tried to teach me to play Mario Kart and every once in a while I didn't come in last. Honestly, I am not trying to let them win! I’m just trying to stay on the road. 

Earlier in the week we attempted mini golf for the first time ever. Amy enjoyed it. Sarah quickly wanted to be done and didn’t want any assistance even though she was holding her putter so awkwardly it couldn’t help but not work well. I was proud of myself for being ok with her struggles and with abandoning the attempt as soon as she wanted to be done. After 3 holes, Sarah and I went to get ice cream. I stood near her since she didn’t want me to sit with her. I just finished reading a book by another Son-Rise mom. It is Miracle In Slow Motion by Sally Wagter and it has reminded me of certain Son-Rise things I hadn’t been doing as often as I could. The main thing is to notice when Sarah is stressed and give her control in such situations when possible. It may seem counterintuitive, but often this is the path that helps people become more flexible. The path just tests my own flexibility too!

August 9: Legacy Day and making the bars of our own cages

 It was apparent this week that with Amy’s pretend scenarios she sometimes builds herself such a cage of requirements that she is miserable when things don’t go as they must, but she doesn’t see that she is the one building the cage. I wonder how often I do the same thing. Even this morning I was getting myself a bit tense over when I would write because my plan didn’t include a Sarah-upset or doing “Huh?” snuggle-play-possibly nap time with Sarah. When I remembered the cage analogy I was able to let go of the bars I was mentally rattling.

Amy’s scenario for this past week was based on the tv show "Ever After High” and the idea of a Legacy book that the offspring of fairytale characters would sign. Every day Amy got several dolls ready for their day and every evening she made sure they were tucked into their dorm room beds. She and A., with a little input from Sarah, made pages for the Legacy book, drawing pictures of each doll or person and writing their destiny. They made keys from Model Magic, which is a type of modeling clay.  The cover of the book then had a keyhole and each key would open the book to the correct page. Amy was extremely upset when things weren’t ready for Legacy Day and the book signing to take place on Thursday. Eventually she adapted and Friday became the official signing day. With A.’s help, they decorated our front porch for the ceremony. Amy had purple mesh netting that A. hung around our porch swing. The swing was covered with blankets and the dolls in their finery sat awaiting their turns. Classical music played in the background. Vice Principal Wombat was in attendance. A music stand held the Legacy book. Amy wore her fanciest dress and helped the dolls fit their keys in the lock and sign their pages, declaring out loud their name and that they were ready to pledge their destiny. 

Tuesday night, after their SR facetime call with Sc, Sarah and Amy donned pajamas for their evening out at Sc’s house for an outdoor movie. When they arrived, Sc handed them tickets, including tickets for the dolls who came too. Their seats and the doll’s seats were reserved with signs. When Carl and I picked them up at the end, they had a pack of drawings, made by Sc, of them as various animals enjoying pizza and ice-cream at plaid restaurants that were “Now Open” and a drawing of all of them at the movies. 

Sarah has been showering daily!! Of her own accord!! This is amazing and is certainly a moment I only ever dreamed of. I often encouraged her showers by saying she would be squeaky clean like a mouse. It seems that the idea of being squeaky clean for A.’s arrival is what makes the difference.

Carl took Sarah to her audiology appointment since it coincided with a mandatory meeting for me regarding resuming my teaching in person at the massage school. I wore my Civil War hoop skirt and dress in addition to my umbrella hat to the meeting to help bring levity about social distancing. While Sarah's hearing test was inconclusive because it seems like one ear needs to equalize the pressure on the drum, it was wonderful that Carl took her. He often gives her more invitations towards independence than I do. He had her lead them to every place they needed to go and had her take care of signing in on the computer. He said she did an amazing job and was very grown-up about the whole thing.  

Sarah’s “huh” and “mouse mouse mouse” routine now includes talking about sitting criss-cross with A. (or actually sitting criss-cross as we talk about it) and tapping our legs while singing “Shave and a haircut, two bits!” We also talk about my pillow that flew out of the roof box on our camping trip a year ago. That pillow was never to be seen again and is “nowhere out there” as a play on our “somewhere out there” American Tale references. I am amazed at how this play continues to evolve and grow. Also, sometimes I must admit I really don’t want to do “huh” when she asks to do it. Sometimes I physically show up but I’m not really putting my energy and presence into it. It tends to be especially difficult if we have just had a kerfluffle about something. She is ready faster than I am to drop the troubles and reconnect. I tend to need a bit longer to get back to my own equilibrium before I am ready to joyfully mouse-huh-shave-and-a-haircut things up. Yet, it also brings me great joy to notice how often she prefers this connecting to having time with technology, and that is really saying something!

Sarah’s school will be opening in person, but they are giving each family the opportunity to choose per quarter whether the student will be in the brick-and-mortar building or whether they will do distance learning. We opted to keep Sarah at home, in part to help quell my own anxiety that I know happens any time either child has the slightest sign of not being 100% well. After two months we will reassess the situation. 

May you have easy decisions and keys that fit.

August 2: Horse Camp and Bandits On The Run

As you may remember, this past week Sarah and Amy attended horse camp at our house. In preparation for horse camp, Amy (know at camp as Rose) cleared most of the walls and surfaces of her room so it would seem like a new and empty room. When she arrived at camp she unpacked and customized her room. When camp was over she repeated the process, loading many packed items into the trunk of our car (the camp bus).

The bus ride to camp was with Carl serving as bus driver Tim. Apparently they had to have a lengthy conversation with him to correct his erroneous impression that they were going to hoarse camp and would be speaking and yelling loudly. Once that was cleared up it became apparent that the bus driver didn’t know the way. Luckily Rose had a map. It was also fortunate that Sarah and Rose were adept at spotting the huge number of squirrels and chipmunks that kept darting across the path of the (parked) car so that the bus driver could slam on the breaks. Once the kids arrived at their destination, Rose looked up the details of Hoarse Camp and Tim went there for the week. That meant his voice was quite scratchy when he picked up the campers on Friday for their trip home. 

Once the kids arrived at camp they made sure their horses, Peppermint and Chester, were settled. They unpacked and then it was time for dinner in the cafeteria with groundskeeper Joe and Cook J. The kids went to bed a bit late that first night as the excitement levels were high. Joe read some Harry Potter out loud to help Rose get sleepy. Sarah and Rose were up early the next day for a hearty breakfast of pancakes and scrambled eggs. When the final camper, A, arrived then the day really began. 

Throughout the week of horse camp the campers made horse heads out of boxes with yarn for manes and attached the heads to long sticks. Sarah’s horse had an unruly plaid mane. Amy’s had a pristine white mane (Peppermint is a white horse) that Amy braided. Apparently the rode through the forest some mornings. They all went to the actual park most days and on one day A. strapped the Peppermint head to Rose’s scooter. At night the horses stayed in the stable on our back deck. One night at Rose’s suggestion we wore fancy clothes to dinner. Sarah wore some of her nicest pajamas and then donned Carl’s top hat and A.’s musical note scarf. The campers also made carrots, sewing and stuffing orange cloth with green leaves.

Fortunately, the care packages I made arrived in time for the campers to enjoy them. The most exciting items were the new markers and drawing pads. Rose struggled through the obstacle course on Thursday and wanted to go home early. I told her how much I didn’t like sleep-away camp and was always plotting about how I could run away and carry my trunk down the highway. We convinced her to stay since the bus didn’t come until Friday and also had a band (for real) coming Thursday night.

Thursday night Bandits On The Run gave us a personal, safe-distance yard concert. It was phenomenal. I highly recommend their music. One member of the band has had a huge impact on our lives. He used to be a Sarah-Rise volunteer 8 years ago, being the sole responder when I sent out emails to drama students at CMU and UPitt. He was amazing in the SR room and spent time with Amy so I could do SR time. He also told many friends, including Sc., about our work and some of them joined our team. Two years ago Bandits On The Run came through Pittsburgh and performed in our house. Our friend let Sarah play his small guitar and after the visit we decided to give Sarah a ukulele that Christmas. Fast forward to Thursday night…

While the band played, Sarah got up and played her air guitar. Then she scooted inside and grabbed her ukulele and spent the remainder of the concert strumming along. Amy did cartwheels. The rain waited. My face muscles were tired from endless smiling. What a wonderful gift of an evening. Now Sarah likes to say that she is going to jam with Bandits On The Run. I also learned that I can’t have their music playing during meal time because then the girls are too busy jamming to eat.