January 28

Sarah has been doing more food preparation on her own. Last weekend she fixed herself a hot dog and hot chocolate and frosted a cake pop for herself. She also single handedly carried her Cozy Coupe inside (that is the small plastic car that a kid can drive). Unfortunately, we have finally met the moment when Sarah cannot cram herself into the car. She was complaining that it hurt her knees. 

Tuesday night Carl had a work dinner to attend which meant he would get home after the girls had gone to bed. Normally this is fine. Tuesday night Sarah was so upset she was crying and screaming for an hour because she missed him. When I sent him a message she saw his name and switched from saying “I want Dad!” to “I want Carl W-!” and “Carl W- is the best man in the whole world."

Sarah had an MRI of her head on Wednesday. This was a follow-up regarding her seizure in December. She was sedated for the procedure so she had a super early appointment because she had to fast. The nights when she has to fast and not even have liquid after a certain time are not nights when I sleep particularly well. I’m so anxious that she will get up to get a drink that I sleep very lightly. The whole thing went smoothly, including the IV insertion and the waking up afterward. When we got home we both went to bed and slept for two hours. Then we did basically nothing for the rest of the day.

Swim lessons went beautifully. Amy is swimming. She needs more practice and confidence for her movements to become smoother, but she is swimming. Sarah jumped into the pool many times while holding the instructor’s hand.

Yesterday we had Sarah’s birthday party and it was wonderful. Anytime Sarah sees a school bus or city bus she says, “Can we make a bus just like that?” I always tell her she can use her imagination to do so. For her party I rented a party bus that was a converted school bus. It parked in front of our house for 3 hours. She absolutely loved it. Sc. did face painting and by the end of the party we had an Amy cat and a Sarah panda. Sarah wore her “Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus!” shirt for the party, which was perfect for our own little bus-loving Pigeon. For a present, Carl got Sarah some glasses that have no prescription. She is always wanting to wear his glasses so now she has some of her own. She was delighted. 

January 21

“If you stick the pencil in your ear I won’t get you the polka dot fabric when we get home.” 

That is true. For all of you! 

Originally I said it to Sarah during her piano lesson. 

There have been a small handful of times this week when I have really yelled at Sarah (though not about the pencil in the ear). When I say something calmly and normally 5 times and get no response then sometimes I escalate to yelling and then Sarah takes heed. I am so frustrated about this. She listens but then is usually also upset so while she is moving to do what I said she is slower than if she was happily moving. I think what is the most frustrating is that sometimes I escalate when the situation doesn’t warrant that level of underlying panic/anger on my part. In fact, is there ever a time it is warranted unless it is to catch a plane or save a life? I don’t know. Probably not. My goal will be to make my request calmly 10 times before losing my %#*(&! I will also aim to be more creative with my requests.

School mornings have been challenging. Often it seems that if I prompt Sarah to keep moving that is the very button to make her turn to look at her toes or seams and get rather lost in them. But if I don’t prompt her then she also won’t be moving towards the next step of getting ready. Carl did a beautifully amazing job on Friday with keeping her moving and creatively prompting her and keeping her equilibrium in tact. 

It is often refreshing and surprising when I hear people admit to not liking a certain thing that I feel like I am supposed to like. Here is my confession: I don’t enjoy having my kids help in the kitchen. I would prefer to work alone! But I feel like I should let them help and encourage it because how else will they learn to cook? Also, sometimes I don’t want to be a patient and creative parent. Sometimes I want to be left the #*(Y@* alone.  Based on the tone of this update you can probably guess what kind of a morning we are having. Admitting to wanting to be alone actually helps me breath more and feel like I’m ready to go spend time with my kids. 

In other news, Amy has decided that my snake hat makes the perfect fire-fighter hose.

We have been making Valentines lately and the girls have each made one for their dental hygienist completely of their own initiative. That was the first card each of them made. This is probably due to the fact that their next dental cleaning is on Valentine’s Day.

Amy did an amazing job in her swim lesson. Both girls did well, but I was in awe of Amy when she jumped in independently, floated, and swam gently on her back to the wall. It was so peaceful and calm. There wasn’t the same fear as there was the first time she did it. She was so poised and confident. 

I have changed my approach to getting the girls (especially Amy) to help clean things. All the credit goes to how my mom helped me clean my room when I was younger. I tell them to find something of a certain color to put away. Or to find the stuffed animals. Given that Amy likes seek and find challenges, so far this approach is working well.

Anywho, here’s to recognizing and owning where we are so that we may be freer to move on. 

January 14

Sunday night as I made dinner I could hear the girls reading Elephant and Piggie books together. I didn’t get a picture because I didn’t want to interrupt the moment. When they needed a new book they pretended to go to the library.

When Sarah came home from school Monday she went upstairs. A few minutes later I heard her ask me if I would help her get the iPad. I said yes and asked if she was upstairs. She said “no, I’m downstairs,” because by that point she was. I called playfully “Owl! Are you upstairs?” With great glee she scampered upstairs as we laughed together. I love that we can have what feels like an inside joke based on a shared love of Owl at Home by Arnold Lobel.

Monday’s piano lesson was filled with adorableness. For some of the time the girls were together on the bench, pausing for snuggles and sad-panda play. Sarah asked Amy to be a sad panda and Amy nuzzled her head into Sarah’s chest while making sad panda noises, just as Carl and I do. I love that this play now includes Amy.

Often when I suggest practicing the piano I am met with resistance. This week I tried just playing the album that goes with the piano book. I didn’t say anything. Of their own volition they did practice some things and overall thoroughly enjoyed the music. Now they are able to play the album without my help and when Sarah came home from school one day she unexpectedly went immediately to the album and then sat at the piano. ???!!! That explains my socks flying past your window.

At bedtime on Tuesday night Amy tucked Sarah in with a panda stuffed animal and a kiss.

Amy had a questionnaire to fill out for school that included a question about whom she admired the most. Her answer? Sarah. 

Melt my heart and call me Teary!

Yesterday I yelled (first spelled “yellied” which is somehow hilarious) at Sarah for touching the remote during Amy’s pick because then it messed up Amy’s show. I realized shortly thereafter that I could have lightly said “whoops!” instead because I don’t think Sarah messed it up on purpose. As Sarah and I snuggled,  I apologized and explained my new thinking. I explained it to Amy too. A bit later, Amy told Sarah she was sorry for yelling at her and she gave her a kiss and said “I love you.” As I was about to berate myself for the yelling, I realized that with that too I could perhaps lightly say “whoops!” Whoops! I didn’t mean to yelly! 

Friday morning I got stuck in the mud. Quite literally. I have never experienced that before and I hope not to experience it again. I had parked in our back yard the night before to charge the car but the ground was soft and the constant rain did not improve the situation. Still, I didn’t expect to get stuck. The girls were off at school and I thought Carl was on his way to work. I attempted to leave. Nope. Just as I was realizing my predicament and wondering what to do, I heard a gentle tapping on the window. There was Carl! He hadn’t left for work after all and happened notice my trouble. He worked diligently with bricks and rocks to help my wheels get traction and after many minutes I was free. Late that night when I returned home (and didn’t need to park in the back yard) I found him creating small brick roads in the tire tracks, filling in the ruts with dirt and bricks. This was in the dark, in the cold, in the sleet. Sometimes there is nothing better than a gentle tap on the window when you are stuck, literally or metaphorically, and someone who knows how to build a road for you. I really felt the wonderfulness of having a partner who came to my rescue even though it made him late for work. He didn’t yellie at me for getting stuck (of course not, it’s not how he does things). He helped me not yellie at myself. In essence it was a “whoops! Let’s fix this” moment. I so much want to continue learning from Carl about how to calmly deal with adversity. 

If you are getting stuck in any metaphorical or real mud, remember to go slow. Don’t spin your wheels. And if a little tap on the window isn’t forthcoming, just reach out and ask for help. Sometimes window tappers need to be alerted to the situation, but then they are often more than willing to jump in to your mud with bricks and rocks.

Love, bricks, snuggles, and gentle “whoops!” when you need them.

January 7

Carl and Sarah played No Stress Chess. It is designed to teach you the rules of chess as you play without it feeling difficult. They played half a game before she wanted to do something else.

We have had a wonderful time with The Cat Game. It claims to be for people age 16 and up, but we altered the rules and just use the pieces to enjoy playing together but not in any competitive way. It is basically Pictionary but you have to use a picture of a cat (they provide many options) on which to base your drawing. We have had great fun and Sarah has been quite engaged with circling the cats and drawing tears and tissue boxes as if they are sad cats. I was proud of one creation because both girls guessed right away that it was cats playing basketball. Yesterday Amy and I worked together to depict Darth Vader.

Sarah’s new favorite book is I Am (Not) Scared by Anna Kang. She laughs so much as she reads it out loud that she can barely get her words out. I love this!

The girls continue to enjoy being sad crayons, and sometimes Amy is a happy crayon.

Whenever I am truly sad then Sarah is the sweetest, most concerned, most present little individual. When Amy is truly sad then Sarah gets in her face and laughs while loudly saying “meow meow meow!” or “gaw!” We tell Sarah repeatedly not to do this but to no avail. Yesterday it happened again after Sarah either accidentally or on purpose caused Amy’s head to bump into a wall twice. Carl had been about to take the girls out to do an errand and get a treat. We changed the plan in response to Sarah’s behavior so she stayed home with me while Carl and Amy went out. This was after many minutes of Carl talking to a crying Sarah about why she lost the trip. It was disappointing for all of us but I’m hoping it got Sarah’s attention. It was really beautiful overhearing Carl’s patient and loving way of handling the whole situation. Sarah and I did have a good time snuggling and reading on our own. Later we all had a good time hanging out in the family room together making cat drawings. Carl and the girls assembled a puzzle together and that was also beautiful to witness.

For dinner last night the girls tried avocado toast and quiche. I was surprised by how much they liked the avocado toast and how little they liked the quiche.  

Sarah seemed to do an extra good job at gymnastics yesterday morning in terms of her attentiveness to the teachers as they explained the routines. The only frustrating thing was the time mismanagement that meant Sarah (and everyone in her group) only got one turn on the zipline. She handled it well and didn’t actually seem to mind. I minded on her behalf though! 

There was no school or swimming on Friday due to the cold. It is still super cold! 

I hope you are all well and warm and that your crayons are happy.