May 28

Sarah saw a substitute OT this week who hadn’t seen her in several months. The OT was very impressed with Sarah’s work. Sarah made a snail by cutting, coloring, and glueing, and she did some writing. 

Amy had a playdate and she and her friend left a big pile of dress ups on the floor of the girls’ bedroom. When I came up later it was all put back in the basket. Sarah had cleaned up a mess that she didn’t make without my even asking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I celebrated her hugely with kisses and cuddles and snuzzles, much to her delight. 

Sarah has another ear infection. The onset seemed sudden. I don't know if it is just bad luck or if it is possible for a sudden infection to start if there is an allergy to something in a new supplement I gave her just a couple hours before she said her ear hurt? I'm guessing it had been brewing with her very occasional cough. I am thinking I may need to take gluten out of her diet again. (Argh! I feel like Donald Duck when he walks bent over with his arms dragging on the ground). A friend suggested having her use a wedge pillow to help with drainage. I'm not sure if she will accept a new pillow but it is worth trying. I also don't know if I should try both the pillow and eliminating gluten or just do one and then later try the other if the first wasn't the solution.

Sarah's ear infection was enough to have her feel crappy and miss school on Thursday. Amy made her a get well card and Sarah really seemed to notice and like it more than she sometimes takes note of Amy's cards for her. She showed it to me multiple times and showed it to Carl and then wanted to add to it by drawing a heart. Then Amy came over and was drawing more hearts and outlining the letters. Sarah started filling them in. It was awesome to see them collaborating so beautifully. 

One day I dropped Amy off for a play date and she didn't want my hug and kiss goodbye because she was so eager to see her friend. That is the first time that has happened so definitively and I did get a bit sad about it. 

There have been a couple times when I was sad around Sarah and she looked at me so intently, even more so than usual, and really seemed to be trying to read my face and eyes to see if I was feeling better.

Friday morning I asked Sarah several times if she would help pack up the toy locks and keys she had been playing with so we could take them on our upcoming trip. The last time I asked I almost felt silly for asking because I assumed the answer would be no, but the answer was yes! It felt like a good reminder of SR persistence, and that just because the answer is no the first 5 times, that doesn't mean anything about the 6th time I ask. 

For the long weekend we went on vacation with Carl's cousin and her family. We rented a house near a lake. Unfortunately the weather was on the chilly side, but that didn't stop the kids from donning swim suits and getting partially in the water. Amy especially loves playing with her older cousins and Sarah is most interested in the 1 year old. 

There was lots of screaming by Sarah but also sweet cuddly moments. It is good that the sweet times are so wonderful to balance out the rough times. The rough times are a bit rougher when she can't hear, which is where we are again because of the ear infection. 

Saturday night when I tucked Amy into bed she said her leg hurt. I had her straighten it and I massaged it a bit and then it felt better. She said, "mom, I like your job."  Then Sarah presented her leg for some attention. I like my job too. The massage job and the mom job. 

Today we went to a water park. At one point Sarah said she wanted to leave and we said ok. The next moment she said she wanted to go back in the water. In a normal voice I said, "Sarah, what am I going to do with you?" She, who has seemed hard of hearing this weekend, turned to me with a perfectly mischievous and innocent grin. As she walked off she said, "I am a goof and a half," which is what I often tell her. Later Amy told Sarah that she was a goof and a whole. 

Love, snuggles, and persistence to you all.

May 20

Sarah was outside and saw a neighborhood boy running by. She looked up and waved and said hi. He waved and said hi. It was so easy and normal I wanted to explode with joy and also implode crying with joy, but I kept it all inside me as if it was no big deal. Because it wasn’t a big deal. And that is what made it such a big amazing deal.

In OT, Sarah wrote her name the most clearly and perfectly I have ever seen her write it.

The girls had their swim lesson on Friday, and Sarah continued her baby steps of progress. She spent most of the time walking around with her feet on the bottom of the pool. She even let the teacher hold her for a moment. The look of joy after she went with the teacher and we all cheered was priceless. Sarah can be a grumpy grump with the best of them (the best of them perhaps meaning me) but her full joy is sunshine personified. Amy is making tremendous progress and has almost graduated out of their beginner level, which may possibly pose a scheduling/coordinating/two-child problem unless the teacher and program can be flexible.

We took the girls to a play today. It was “We are in a Play" based on Mo Willems’ Elephant and Piggie books. Perhaps surprisingly, we made it through the whole thing, in large part thanks to Carl being wonderful. On the drive to the show the girls were whining and complaining about various things. I was feeling grumpy and my energy was leaking out of me. He responded to the girls with kindness and creativity, all while focusing on the good thing we were about to do. During the show he kept Sarah corralled in an area that gave her freedom to move around, watch the show, sit on his lap, and not escape. 

Sarah has been continuing to read books on her own. This week her favorite has been A Great Day for Up by Dr. Seuss. I love that she is independently selecting books from our shelves and then wanting to bring them with her in the car or closing the door to her room so she can read on her own.

Sarah has also been bringing her tricycle down our porch steps all by herself. This is often when I have told her that she may go out on the porch but that she is to stay on the porch. It is awesome that she can carry the trike and wants to ride it so much. It is not so awesome that she isn’t following instructions.

Sometimes when we ask Sarah a question she whispers the answer. I love that. It seems extra earnest.

Amy had some homework about life cycles and needed to bring pictures of herself at various ages. While I looked through my bins of printed photos, hoping to save myself needing to print new ones, I found a picture of myself when I was 12. I was holding two stuffed animals (Clarence and Podgelit for those who remember) that were new and clean and fluffy. I still have them and they show the love they received over the years. I showed the picture to Amy thinking she would be surprised by the stuffed animals. Instead, she was surprised by the younger me. Now I want to find many more younger me and younger Carl pictures to show the girls.

I am loving the neuromuscular therapy (aka trigger point) class I am taking. Absolutely loving it. I was super tired a few nights ago and ready to go to bed. Then I remembered I wanted to do just a tiny bit of studying for the class. I suddenly had plenty of energy. I love my work so much. Taking the class also feels like it is waking up some latent Jennyness that hasn’t been seen for many years. Along with the reading for class I am also reading a book of poems by ee cummings. It is so joyfully wonderful. Soon I’ll be wanting a theatre group. I don’t know how to quite explain what I feel inside but it is like watering a wilted plant of my intellectual side that is suddenly looking for more sun. 

Love and flashcards to you all.

May 15

This week contained moments where Sarah responded to my "goodnight, I love you" with "I love you mom" and at another time she thanked me for something! Small miracles all the time!

Amy had her school spring concert and the concert itself was adorable and wonderful. Getting out of the house was a bit fraught because Amy, who dresses in finery for so many occasions from playgrounds to dinner, decided to wear shorts and a t shirt instead of the dress she had picked especially for the concert. Then she asked if Sarah wanted to wear shorts. I didn't want Sarah to change clothes. I made Amy change to a dress. She picked her Cinderella dress instead of the one purchased for the concert! She said she wished there was another concert in June so she could wear the new fancy dress. Then Sarah started saying she wanted to take a nap. Argh! There was yelling involved but we made it to where we needed to be. Leaving the concert was also challenging. 

I was away for the weekend visiting one of my dear friends with whom I have been friend since I was 4 and she was 5. It was lovely to see her and enjoy hikes in the beauty of Montana. I am also eager to be back home with my girls and Carl. 

Sonia took the girls to their swim lesson on Friday,and Sarah stood on the bottom of the pool instead of staying on the steps! Yay!!

Carl took the girls on a weekend adventure to a hotel with a pool. Unfortunately when they arrived someone had vomited in the pool so it was temporarily closed for cleaning. The girls were very upset. Eventually they were able to get in the water so all was not lost. 

Carl also introduced the girls to ice cream cookie sandwiches (I found some that are Sarah-friendly). When he first told Amy what the treat was she didn't believe such a creation existed.   Then, as Carl said, her world got that much better. 

I recently read an article about how other languages have words for all sorts of specific emotional experiences that English doesn't name. I want a word for when you love someone so much you feel like you want to eat them. I hope you know what I mean. Not that I really want to eat the girls, but my heart just can't contain the love I feel. 

May 7

Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Why is the island in our kitchen wet? Why are there drips coming from the ceiling? Puzzlement, light-fixture-removing, ceiling-busting moments later Carl and our neighbor discovered the problem was a hole in a pipe. They also discovered some electrical situations that need to be remedied so actually the leaking pipe was a blessing in disguise. Fortunately we have a plumber we love. It turned out that two pipes needed to have sections replaced which involved going through the wall at the back of the laundry room closet (our laundry room is on the second floor). The next step is to figure out what lighting situation we want in the kitchen and then to find someone to fix the ceiling and paint it. I will never paint anything again unless it is very small and not over my head because painting kicks my headaches farther into gear. Carl taped a bag over the hole in the ceiling so at least now I can cook without fear of extra seasoning.

Sarah’s school had their Inclusive Games on Wednesday. Her school is kind of a school within a school. It is a program for kids who need extra help and then these special classrooms are located within Catholic schools all around Pittsburgh. For the Inclusive Games all of the kids from her program met at one location and each had a neurotypical buddy with them from their school. They did all sorts of games, as you would find at a Field Day. Carl attended and showed me some pictures and videos. I was surprised by how teary I got watching Sarah run while many people were cheering “go Sarah!” I get teary just writing about it! Sometimes I’m just bowled over by how much love there is around us and flowing to Sarah. 

Swim lessons continue. Amy is making notable progress each week. Sarah is making tiny incremental progress. I don’t know how it will go when Amy is ready to move to the next level and Sarah isn’t. I’m hoping that maybe the school and teacher can be flexible since the class doesn’t currently have any other kids in it so maybe we could keep the teacher and the time even if the girls would technically be at different levels. 

I was near the SR room for some of G’s time on Friday so I got to overhear the wonderfulness. He read one of Sarah’s current favorite books (Goldilocks and the Three Dinosaurs by Mo Willems) but substituted a wrong word in almost every sentence with as much confidence and rhythm as if it was the right word.  It was hilarious. I could hear Amy giggling and responding (she had a half day of school so got to join the session) and G said that Sarah was hooked too. What is doubly wonderful is that Sarah let him read the book out loud because that isn’t something she has let me do recently. 

Gymnastics class has felt difficult the past few times I have accompanied Sarah. She spends all morning impatient to go to gymnastics and then halfway through class she says she is done. Yesterday we got into one of our usual energy battles and I carried her out to the hall and we sat while she screamed and I grumped. Eventually she was ready to go back and try more. I just don’t understand why things are going this way when she used to do the whole class easily. I think I may need to find someone else to take her because I think it is my being there that sometimes results in her saying she wants to be done and leave (not that I am doing anything different from what I have always done). Sometimes I am just the right person to help Sarah with things (so far for swimming it is still helpful and effective to have me there) but increasingly in many areas I feel like I am specifically the wrong person and that things go better with anyone other than me. I feel rather heartbroken and frustrated about that. Maybe Sarah saves her grumpy protesting best for me the way sometimes I keep everything together until Carl is around and then unload my feelings and grumps and whining.

Amy has been at least temporarily interested in having us read Little House in the Big Woods. If she maintains her interest my life may be complete. 

I have started auditing a neuromuscular (aka trigger point) class at the massage school where I teach. It is two mornings a week and it goes through September. I have been super excited to take it and I’m super excited to be in it now. The teachers are excellent, which I already knew. I have already learned helpful things just in the first two days. I am hoping to not only be a better MT at the end of this but to be more helpful as an Alexander teacher when I visit these classes in the future and to maybe be a substitute teacher (or full teacher) when/if needed. 

May you all hear cheers from the sidelines as you move through your lives. YAY!! You can do it!! I believe in you!!